Holy crap Lisa!!!! Of all the things I have read since I have been on these boards....YOURS was the most promising. Let me say this, I know for a fact that you have done 99.9% of everything right. That .1% could be anything that you felt you could have done better. From the very beginning of you two getting back together and YOU doing, standing up, and sacrificing (to a certain extent)....you don't owe him JACK! If anything, you owe him a good ass-kicking!
D him? You bet! Although, as much as you know you don't want to be the one to do the leg-work on this, you will have to because this piece of crap that calls himself a man, is anything but that, and will not get this D underway...rather wait it out until he feels you are going to let him in.
Unreal that this happened. I would take him to the cleaners and then when he explains to his "friends" why he's having to work his ass off to pay/"owe" (I won't say support you because you were doing well without this douche nozzle!) you he can say that he pushed you and we as guys, know, that that means hit or assaulted. The truth always comes out and I am really sorry to hear that your sitch ended up like this.
Lisa, I hope you keep up the positive attitude and get the ball rolling on getting this piece of sh_t out of your life and kids lives....there is no reason they should be subjected to this piece of crap.
Lisa I worked at a battered women's organization and you need to know that nothing you could have done would change the fact that this is your husband's make-up.
This is about power and control and making you feel small
you need to take some power back
he will continue this behavior with whomever he is with
" feel like I am to blame. maybe i should have said something different or maybe i should have been nicer"
Lisa,
I'm so sorry you are hear. I can relate all too well to the words you are saying above. I remember saying them to my pastor once and he said to me, "those are the words of a victim." Somewhere along the line, I became a victim in everything. Your words sound like the words of a victim too. It's time to take back the power of your life and of your value and your self worth. Give yourself space and time from this man. You will get stronger every day. You control you.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
Change the locks and keep them locked. Keep the phone near you whenever you can--dial the cops if he ever shows up unexpected. Take a self defense class.
To be honest, it pisses me off to hear you say it was your fault (not mad at you, but mad because you are falling for his crazy sh!t). I know you are delicate and battered right now but snap out of it Lisa--this was not your fault. B is a friggin ass hole and I don't care how "mean" you were to him--no excuse for him to ever lay hands on you PERIOD. He is a liar and will say anything right now. Close your ears and heart to it--it is poison.
None of us here are professionals (well maybe some are, I don't know) and this is a very serious matter and I'd say you need a pro to give you emotional and legal council.
I don't know a lot about domestic abuse other than it will escalate--I know that they almost ALWAYS come crawling back apologizing and feeling guilty and then beat you up worse the next time and that battered women often blame themselves and don't tell people about the abuse in order to protect the abuser.
I'm going to shut up now because I feel SO upset and angry about all of this. Divorce him and protect yourself and PLEASE do not take him back--he may kill you the next time.
Honey, you SO do not deserve this - well, no one does. You did nothing worse than love and support your husband! FA was right on the money when he said that you did 99.9%of what you could have.
Lisa, I also had to be the one to initiate the D, and I also resisted for the same reason - why should I be the one to do when HE caused the problems??? It goes completely against my values (mind you, he had never hit me). But the D is going to have to be done, sugar, and the sooner the better. Things will be so much better for you with this "man" out of your life.
Originally Posted By: LisaLost
How can he tell people that he is innocent and all he did was push me? He knows what he did- why not just own up to it? He KNOWS what happened- why is he lying?
Because he only cares about HIMSELF. It has NOTHING to do with you. You could have been the 100% perfect wife, and it wouldn't hav changed a thing. He is selfish and only cares about making himself look good. Like my stbx, he seems to have strong narcissistic traits. It's not pretty, but it's about HIM, not YOU - really. I've finally grasped that one myself.
I am praying for you and your sweet children.
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Thanks for all these supportive posts. It is wonderful to come here and see that I am NOT at fault here. I did NOT deserve this. I am going to have up and down days but I will be strong for myself and my kids. I have no choice but to D him. I am meeting with the attorney on Tuesday. Do you guys think that is too soon to start the paperwork? I really need to do this quickly, I feel. I truly do. I know in my heart of hearts that I have done everything I could have done to save my M. Now I need to continue to save myself.
Thanks for the kicks in the butt
I might need quite a few more before this is over with.
Love,Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
you need to mention if you have filed apolice report...anything like that will help in custody and the fact that an established, safe drop site needs to be organized. Almost every town will have a safe drop off site...even if it is McDonalds
Make sure you remember to tell your attorney that this is a pattern and while you advocate parenting time, you don't want to give him access to your home or phone numbers...he may have to provide a cell-phone if you have children old enough to talk on the phone
a battered woman takes an average of 6 times leaving to leave for good....
please break that statistic
hook up with the battered womens organization in your area...most have people on staff that can help you legal negociate these rocky waters
