Wife has filed, and on we go

[christarn]

Mike, sounds like things are going well. Your idea of planting info is working in your favor. sounds like your W is already having some "concerns" at least it appears that way. What a great boost to your moral!! Not only that, but getting some great feed back at the bowling alley...way to go!!

Wish my sitch was as good as yours 3 weeks no contact oh well...still praying, not giving up yet!!

Take care...keep up the good work!!!
Christa

[micoms]

Christa,

I can't remember the last time W initiated any contact, I've always seen her at D24's. S26's friend bought a house and is moving Friday. I'm going to help him pack the truck. I'll park my car some other place and ride with S and leave car overnight. It seems W is getting a little jealous. She's asking if I'm dating. She's asked the kids and my best friend and asks me in a round about way.

Mike

[grid, lost]

D19 looks at the weasel as a low point in her life. When she turned 18 she filed her own restraining order against him. He was physically and mentally abusive. She has told me he beat her then raped her, when she woke in the morning she was so sore she could't move so he beat her again and laughed about it.

Oh mike, I am sorry to have gone into this matter in your family's life. I can't even imagine how a parent gets through such an awful horrific time in their child's life. Then with your daughter having such success so early in her life. All spells alot of pain for you. Don't worry in time D19 will find her balance and land on her feet again.

Next she wanted to know why I was dressed up. Had on a pair of designer slacks and designer shirt, it all fit well (D19 took me shopping this weekend and we found some great deals) Must admit I thought I looked good. W asked if I had a date,

AAHHHH...you certainly are setting your wife back a step or two. you sound handsome just by your couple of lines posted here. Have fun with D19 on the shopping trip? D19, will be happy to know the new outfits made you a hit with everyone. Looking like a slob all the time does not attract the other and you do get sick of seeing it all time. My H all he would wear was old jeans, HD T-shirt, with HD sweatshirt jacket. I was so sick of looking at them, nearly made me ill.

Got a lot of looks and few comments. Was told I looked 10 to 15 years younger. On guy's wife said if I dyed my hair to cover the gray I'd look like I was in my mid to late 30's, what a boost. W probably noticed too. Let her think about it.

LOL, well if you aren't dating someone at the present W better move it or you will be. ! Da, does she not get it.
Mike I can hardly wait to hear what your coach has to offer and feedback. You are doing exactly what needed to be and the results is coming almost on cue!! I am really surprised and happy for how well this is all going together for you.
Keep it up. W's mind has to be spinning. Do you believe she really thinks you are dating someone? Or rather just wondering if there is something going on that she is not aware of?
You are clever and good at the game that is for sure. Praying for the best for your M.
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

The sich with the weasel is the traumatic event that started my W into MLC I think. D had run away from home 4 times that summer, we even had to file incorigable child charges on her. D's head is on straight now except going to school. Pre-weasle she wanted to be a surgeon or forensic examiner. Now she wants to do hair, I don't care if it is what she wants to do.

I don't think I looked too bad before, ususlly I wore blue jeans and a collared golf shirt, still do just not around W. My Tees were usually adidas or tournament shirt. I think W does indeed think I'm dating, she has asked my best friend to try to find out and asked our D's also. When I left D24's house W asked if I had a date, I said no, just meeting a friend. I think she thinks I was meeting a female. I went to the bowling alley, met teammates, afterwards had a beer and the house orders pizza for the regulars who come into the lounge after bowling. So I didn't lie, I met a friend, teamate, and ate, a free piece of pizza! She hasn't asked me point blank if I'm dating, she asked one time if I had a date, just meeting a friend is what I told her.

Tonight I was feeling a bit down, missing W, and over my sich. I guess I have to practice what I preach. Quit looking how far I am from where I want to be but look at how far I've come from where I sttarted. I've gone from W acting like she hated me to now W wondering what I'm doing and she says I look good and it was good to see me. I need to keep track of those baby steps and not look at the overall picture.

My aunt/sister said she talked to one of her employees daughter(aunt owns a beauty salon)She said the daughter is about 33yo, a former model and a knock out. She told her my story and would go to dinner and "accidently" run into my best friend and his W, she's my W's best friend. I'm sure his W will go straight to mine and tell her she saw me with a georgous younger woman. It would be only dinner nothing else. I don't know if thats going too far or not.

I hope this is causing W to wonder and not to close the door and start dating herself.

Mike

[grid, lost]

we even had to file incorigable child charges on her. D's head is on straight now except going to school. Pre-weasle she wanted to be a surgeon or forensic examiner. Now she wants to do hair, I don't care if it is what she wants to do.

Ouch !! You and W sure went through a lot of hell!!! D will come around again. Even if it is 5 or 6 yrs down the road, you'll see. D must have a lot she is struggling with even if she doesn't say so. In time D will return to school and work towards a career. Mike, what is an incorigable child charge? never have heard of this, but then I don't have kids.

I don't think I looked too bad before, ususlly I wore blue jeans and a collared golf shirt, still do just not around W.

No I was just mentioning my past and the old faded stuff H would walk around house in. Now I realize why he was acting so strange. Although I now realize our S shouldn't have to wait till a special event to see us wearing nice things. Wearing same old same old can be a very bad habit to fall into.

Tonight I was feeling a bit down, missing W, and over my sich. I guess I have to practice what I preach.

Mike, we are not preaching at each other, called support and help. Couldn't make it with out the help on these boards. I know were it not for the people on these boards I would be a very bitter person instead I'm on a journey and growing everyday. some days I wish the journey would end. lol

look at how far I've come from where I sttarted. I've gone from W acting like she hated me to now W wondering what I'm doing and she says I look good and it was good to see me. I need to keep track of those baby steps and not look at the overall picture.

Very good, yes, I keep telling myself, baby steps, baby steps.
You have come a long way in a very short amount of time. How long W been gone? My H nearly 18months and living with someone else. Your W she is interested in you again, just doesn't want to admit it yet. When is next telephone coach session?

tell her she saw me with a georgous younger woman. It would be only dinner nothing else. I don't know if thats going too far or not.
I hope this is causing W to wonder and not to close the door and start dating herself.

MHHMMMMM...I don't know what to tell you. good point you bring up about W dating. Well lets back up a step or two. Why did your coach want you to make personal changes? Why did she want you to have some contact with W or rather more contact ?
Any changes coach suggested were they to make W jealous or more interested in you? If W learns you are dating a drop dead ow, will she want to compete with her?
You are still M, would you do this if you and W were at odds with each other but still living together? Isn't dinner with ow starting an EA?
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

Coach said I needed to become more interesting, change the way I dress around W, and my appearance. I had already started dying my goatee, my beard was brown but had turned a whitish blonde. I could care less but I read in DR where you should make changes and thought that was one that might make me look younger. The changes were to make me more interesting to W, not the same old Mike. She aid now isn't the time to go dark or gray, more contact with W.

The gorgeous woman wouldn't be a date just set up so W's friend reports back to her about I'm attracting a younger beautiful woman. I would run his by my coach before I would do it. W has bee gone since July although we went on vaca together in Aug.

The charges we filed on D were to protect us if she and the weasel got into trouble with the law. It also put a warrant out on her so if they were pulled over for a traffic violation she would be held in juvi until we picked her up. D19 is fine and back to her self. She realizes that he is a sick controlling person. He has threatened to kill her in the past. She was scared to end the R because of his violence.

The change in my W wondering what I'm doing and who with in addition to the changes in my dress and grooming, no beard are to make her wonder. Db says to be vague when going out, just say a friend or friends. I will stop by D's house Sat to drop off mail, will be dressed to the nines and be going to meet a friend. I'm sure W will ask if I have a date. I'll respond that I'd rather have a date with you, get dressed, lets go. If she accepts I'll make a fake phone call and say something has come up I can't make it tonight, sorry. I have a new personal cell she or D's don't know about. It gives me a number on my work cell they don't recognize and gives me a number to call. That number could be my dates cell number!!! If she checks my recent numbers.

Mike

[micoms]

Went last night with S26 to help his friend move. His stuff was all moved and met S's friend his mom and BF at a local pub. Had a few beers, D19 showed up with a friend. D tells me how mom made her mad tues night. W went to restaurant where D19 works as a hostess. W has too much to drink and actually goes to the bathroom to get sick. I had stopped by D24's house and was dressed well, meeting a "friend" for drinks and something to eat. I actually went to bowling alley to see teammates, yes I did have a couple of beers. Afterwards the house buys pizza for the regular crowd that goes into the lounge. So I didn't lie, my teammates are friends and I did have pizza! I wonder if W's drinking too much has anything to do with me going out with a friend? I don't want to see too much into this but is it possible she's starting to have second thoughts? Oh, my W did ask if I was going on a date, I said no just meeting a friend, so I know she's wondering if I'm dating. We'll see what happens at D's house tonight.

Mike

[grid, lost]

The gorgeous woman wouldn't be a date just set up so W's friend reports back to her about I'm attracting a younger beautiful woman. I would run his by my coach before I would do it. W has bee gone since July although we went on vaca together in Aug.

Good idea about running the dinner with lady friend by coach first. I just could see how that could really backfire and quickly without there never being any plans for such.
Wow, you and family sure went through some rough times with weasel. The most important thing is your daughter has gotten herself together and away from weasel.

I will stop by D's house Sat to drop off mail, will be dressed to the nines and be going to meet a friend. I'm sure W will ask if I have a date. I'll respond that I'd rather have a date with you, get dressed, lets go. If she accepts I'll make a fake phone call and say something has come up I can't make it

]
LOL, you are very clever Mike. I like the saying "dressed to the nines", lol never heard that one before. It's nice.
Your W drinking and getting sick @ D's place of work, that sure doesn't sound like her. Maybe her world as she saw it is falling apart. Just maybe she is getting very scarred about everything. I do hope W will accept and go out with you. Keeping my fingers crossed for you Mike. Best of Luck
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

Never made it to D's house. S27 called and invited me over, after he called A friend of mine called and we talked about an hour then went to S's house. GD is getting more comfortable with me since I've been going over on a regular basis. She was showing me her toys and how they worked, LOL. She is about 19 months old now.

Will take D24, her BF and GS to Chucky Cheese for pizza and games, will go after W gets off of work and invite her also. Should be a blast.

Don't know if W's drinking to much has anything to do with her thinking I'm dating and seem to be moving on or not. I guess I hope that's the case. W doesn't drink a lot, two or three beers and she is done. Was thinking about parking car on another street but decided not to, will do it again when she knows I'm meeting a friend again.

Mike

[grid, lost]

mike,
Just spent most of the evening flying around on the boards and came upon one stitch where everyone posted with wisdom. these are the four stages to recover a broken marriage.
ROFL, I can't honestly say I'm past # 1 or want second stage either (at least tonight)..... Sometimes really scares me, the anger, just when I think I am done with it all and have let go. BOOM!!1 Another stiff bout of anger and this blocks friendship or desire for.
Mike you find your self going through that or not? LOL compare our stitches, which is worse????
Me, H with OW,20yr his Jr. !!!
You W no OM, filed for D !!! OMG, should we laugh or cry?

1)Anger- Very long and hard

2) Friendship- No sex build friendship

3) Romance and dating- Sex and dating

4) Recommitment- Married again and recommitted