A day late and a dollar short, that should be my motto at this point.
Here is my point of view on all of this. I have said time and time again that marriage problems are not cookie cutter. People inherately have different personalities and respond to different approaches.
I can tell you that the soft approach would not have worked for me. However I know several posters who it does work for. The reality is that we have to have the freedom to express ourselves in whatever manner we feel appropriate and if that is against the DB philosophy, then show me in text where it says that.
My problem with moderators banning people is that they do not back up the philosophy of "if you don't want someone to post to you then ask them not to".
BWORL is a character, that is for sure, however if Bill is not told or asked not to post to someone then he has every right to keep posting in his own style. I suggest that the moderators go back and read some of BWOLR's posts. I have. His philosophy completely supports the DB techniques, it also is straight forward and no BS. He tells it like it is and I do not see why that is a problem.
AmyC is a bitch, big deal. That "Bitch" has helped me through some very tough times in my situation and if she hadn't been a bitch about it, I would still be struggling and stuck in the same dark place that I was.
I do not for the life of me understand why the moderators do not get this. Success or failure is not measured by one's ability to pussy foot around and candy coat life. I have a suggestion, post a thread in Piecing and ask those folks how many of them have been helped by the straight forward posting of AmyC, Bworl, FA, OSU, 1210, FrankD...etc...etc....etc.....
I bet you those folks in piecing would be the first to tell you that the folks that were brutally honest with them helped them through some very rough times and helped them understand the flat out ways to DB.
What I believe is this, DBing does work, but not the same for every situation. You have to allow the system to operate without putting restraints and threatening tactics in place to have it the way "you want it" not Michelle, you.
I believe that they call that philosphy Communism when put into affect in real world situations. I would like to believe that the DB boards are a democracy and that we can embrace the melting pot of styles that exist rather than sitting in judgment of them.
I for one would hate to see the folks that have been banned and have left because of this whole situation not be here for their valuable input that HAS helped many many people to become better DBers.
Is AmyC still around? I don't normally post over here but I received an email from Sandi2 asking me to contact AmyC for her. It seems that Sandi was banned sometime yesterday. My e-mail is in my profile. Thanks.
Tia, Thanks for noting my quote, however I think the point was missed. I assume that MWD and others that work with or for her know what they are doing when it comes to DB. But that doesn't help me. I came here because of all the people that were NOT experts. I wanted to know if this method could work for people like myself WHO ARE NOT EXPERTS. That made all the difference to me. To see people from all walks of life who have only one thing in common..the breaking up of their marriage.. come together and use DB and be helped inspired me.
In the process of doing that (coming together on a web site) something else happened. I made friends and found comfort in those friends. Although that is not the purpose of this site it is an unavoidable human reaction. Unfortunately, so is the opposite... finding people we do not like.
Having been in other web groups I have seen it time and again. As a result, people loss site of the goal and become caught up in personal disagreements. As a moderator you have a choice to either take sides or to moderate. By that I mean to make peace. Seems instead certain people were just tossed out.
I for one do not contest your right to do what you want on your site. That being said I do think it is a bit of throwing the baby out with the bath water. If their were posts (or posters)you felt were taking away from the main purpose of the site would it not have been better to log on and point out the posts that you felt were in conflict. We could have all learned from that. Getting on a saying you don't think this posts helps, or you don't think this is an appropriate topic here, would go a long way to showing us what you do think works.
Instead, what seems (from the outside) to be the case is some people didn't like some other people. Well it happens. That is personal and may not have anything to do with the DB ability of either. It looks as if the mods are taking sides.
I might also add that, if you have been separated, you know how lonely that is. Many who come here just need friends. Those friendships help make life possible in a very difficult time. To end those friendships for people by banning, at a time they are so important is just more insult to injury. Again your right, but is it really necessary? Could you not find a better way to address what ever issues you have with the banned posters..like talking to them? It might go a long way to restoring trust. And right now many here need trust.
omigosh, Sandi is such a nice lady. If she were spamming, she'd have no idea that she was doing anything wrong. Did the moderators talk with her first?
it just blows my mind to see what is going on over here and what has happened to this place. it is hard for me to beleive that the people who stood by me while I was having my mlc are now being banned and censored and punished for sharing their opinions and experiences just because they do not conform to the higher ups. I would think that Michele would be thrilled that so many people have been healed on this site. I would think that the moderators would be happy to see that all of these strangers have banned together and have a safe place to vent to each other and share. maybe the mods should actually read the posts and maybe they could actually learn something from all of this. They could learn that they are dealing with human beings not [censored] robots. people who have their own thoughts and feelings and that not everything is solution based and there are not answers in micheles book to everything.
Dear Michele why not prove all of us wrong. Write a freaking book on mlc with guidelines for us to follow and show all of us how to do it your way when it comes to the mlc demon.
Dear suited up you are a real piece of work. i thought i was an arrogant [censored] but you take the cake. and in the words of my friend Amy.C BITE ME.
I will probably be banned after this post but I am going out with glory because I am not afraid to say how I feel or to have an opinion that goes against the grain.
And whoever you are who feels they have to run to the higher ups you really do need to G A [censored] L
Is AmyC still around? I don't normally post over here but I received an email from Sandi2 asking me to contact AmyC for her. It seems that Sandi was banned sometime yesterday. My e-mail is in my profile. Thanks.
- Miss IC
Now I am off the friggin chain! Sandi is one of the most compassionate posters across every single one of these boards. The woman, quite simply, has a heart of gold. She did get a little excited about something yesterday and commenced to sharing it all over the site. The big-headed powers that be should have just warned her. I guarandamntee you, Sandi didn't know any better. She might not even know what the hell "spamming" means, you imbeciles.
Moderators - you're a bunch bullheaded, arrogant jackasses.
You are now banning the absolute and inarguably innocent.
Nice work.
And here I've been considering just stopping all this.
Dear suited up you are a real piece of work. i thought i was an arrogant [censored] but you take the cake. and in the words of my friend Amy.C BITE ME. Dude, I think I shivered when I saw that you posted. I thought for sure I was about to be the recipient of the tough love that so often rolls off that silver, forked tongue of yours! Whew! Glad I dodged that bullet! Thank you sweetie. Hey nice, quote, too. Matter of fact, I just used it myself!
