Your doing good...quiet is hard to adjust to when you are sooo used to the drama...and you guys had tons of it!...one thing you really need to work on is asking H how he is...if something is bothering him...you need to remember to act "as if"...as if he is fine...as if he is not acting any different...as if you are fine...as if the world is okay and the sun is definitely coming up tomorrow!
The quiet is actually good...good for you and good for H...you both need to decompress from all the drama or you will get drama "bends"...H needs time to think...to reflect...you need time to realize the world does not begin and end with H and OW...you are still obsessing about his maybe contacting her...no doubt he will contact her...it is not unusual for them to hang on to the OW for some time...my H hung on for nearly 3 years after things ended with them...it has been over a year now of no contact with her (that I honestly know of anyway)...I did read his emails to/from her after he had been home for about 6 months...professing his "always love" for her...making sure she was okay and happy...stating that we had not finalized our divorce but more for financial reasons then for actually wanting to be married...one of his statements was how important it was for him to hear from her that he "always does the right thing" (not sure what was right about his abandoning his family but maybe she was refering to the end results)...and her reply at one point was that she always knew he would return to me (I wish I had known what she did)...
Bottom line...the time alone allows him to process his feelings for OW...and for you...it takes time to unlove someone (even if it wasn't really love to begin with)...then it takes time to love someone again...and I believe it takes much longer to relove someone...I saw my H go through many processes on the road back to me...none of them were fast...no love at first glance again...no putting your best foot forward and trying to impress me...but lots and lots of testing me...checking to see if I really had become the person I had been working on becoming...testing to see if it was lasting...testing to see if it was real...reconciling is not for the faint of heart...and the quiet is like the quiet before the storm...it is needed...get yourself built up...fortify your identity...create your new strength...build up your emotional house...
I know you would like to think that if H just comes home that everything will be alright...you can get back to being a family again...we focus so much on that coming home...but when they do come home to stay it isn't as we have imagined...it isn't candle light dinners...rose petal baths...scented sheets...real life is hard...when they come home the real real hard work begins...so take this quiet time to really think about how you will handle this...initially you can't just bombard H with your expectations...you will have to bite your tongue a lot...walk on egg shells...and slowly....very slowly you will begin to see things improve...you will begin to see glimpses of H that are familiar...you will begin...slowly begin to express your real feelings...to be open and honest like you talked about being (but really they can't handle initially)...slowly life returns to the marriage...love beings to grow...a NEW relationship begins to blossom...it is hard work...it is a long road...and it is worth it!
