My OW told me she knows she could never live up to my standards, but that hasn't stopped H from thinking about her (even tho they are NC) She's got esteem issues but H does too, apparently. I stopped wanting to kill her, um, about 6 days ago, LOL.
Hopefully I will get to that happy place someday. Today is not that day and I would happily kill her and then do some shopping...lol.
Lovin' the crazy!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hahahahaha. And my friends all thing I'm weird for being so nice to my H. But me, I see how much it surprises him, and I know it makes him feel guilty about what he's doing. It's my small form of revenge!
MichelleLT said this.....I have been trying hard to create good memories and being positive. Last night my husband was very quiet and went in the bedroom alone and cried. His A is only about 1 and 1/2 months old now and at that time when he left us we were having dinner with the kids. Our son (4) and his daughter (11) whom I a close with too. I suspect he feels guilty and bad but not sure...it;s the first time since the A started that I saw this emotion from him. Could be regret or maybe the OW maybe him sad don't know
M 37 H 37 Married 2yrs (together 7yrs) Son 4yrs old and H has Daughter 11 yrs old H involved with OW since Jan 08 and still seeing OW Still under same roof, but H spending more time with OW as time goes on
Once the anger I had for my H subsided I think the harder thing to deal with was my disappointment in him. I expected him to have more insight and be a stronger person. I had always perceived him differently. I saw him more as a guy who doesn't even notice other women. Kind of like a handsome nerd who would never even look.... this was the very last thing I expected from him and probably the reason I was attracted to him in the first place. And to have this image I admired destroyed, that was difficult.
WOW that is exactly how I felt for my H. He was always my safe place to land and now that is destroyed. I guess I never should of held him on a pedistal (quietly as he thinks I made him feel worthless)....times like this are humbling for sure and I agree that this is my opportunity to focus on me and if I am able to save my M while doing this....well that's a plus
M 37 H 37 Married 2yrs (together 7yrs) Son 4yrs old and H has Daughter 11 yrs old H involved with OW since Jan 08 and still seeing OW Still under same roof, but H spending more time with OW as time goes on
I guess I never should of held him on a pedistal (quietly as he thinks I made him feel worthless)
Always Shopping (Gosh that could have been my name during the D!!!),
He probably would have come up with some other excuse for the A. In some cases they start with a safe friendship, very slowly build, and then the the line gets blurred and crossed unintentionally.... reasons for one can always be found.
(Not that all marriages are "perfect" and there aren't things that need work... I believe we may be responsible for some problems in the marriage, but we aren't "responsible" for a spouse's affair. Although a spouse might like to think so!!!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Whether it builds fast or slow from friendship to flirting to PA, that seems to be the general pattern unless the UP is just a serial afairee. Unfortunately, the ones that start as friends seem to be the most dangerous because there is an EA as well. I think it would be much easier for the UP to give up the OW/OM if it was purely physical.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
And you know me.....I still want to see OW get her just results.....one day hopefully I will as I am sure she will do the same thing again.......next time the LBS might just do what I imagined doing
And Oldtimer - I here what you say about the OP and intellectually I am 100% with you. However, human nature just makes me want revenge - trying not to feel that just stopped me moving on so I acknowledge that's how I feel and that's OK - I just don't act on it. Aslong as I don't see the b!tch things will be OK but I don't know what will happen if I ever see her sorry a$$.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hi! This is a great thread! I mean my emotion goes everywhere while I am reading, I truely understand all the posts.. sucks, but I am glad 'I am not crazy wife' to think lots about OW.
Sometims, I really think about revenge, or anything could hurt H or OW's feeling or freak them out... these fantasy gives me time to laugh with my girlfrends and escape from pains.
I told H once that I forgave him but I will never forgive OW. The difference is I love him and understand why this happened. OW.. is someone I never knew. I never had any stranger hurted me like her and I do not forget about how much she involved my life, which I did not have a choice but just let her walk in.
Plus, I am willing to pay for my counseling next 4 years because of my H I loved (still do) but I just hate to even think I will be paying for my counseling/therapy/meds because of OW too! u know what i mean..
Beauty
Me:31 H:29 D:7 S:2 M:7y Together:8y found out his A :07/07 bomb:11/01/07 s: 11/15/07 OW-1 is out of state; other female friends around first thread
I totally feel you on that one. I have also had a lot of mixed emotions over the course of this stitch and even in the course of reading this thread and other's posts.
Mostly, I wish society actually taught these relationship skills and/or that I had found this site before my H was deep in an A and we were S.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Interesting thread.... So many of us battling with a variety of emotions. Yes, I do think many of us find it easier to blame the OP. We like to think of our spouses as "taken in" like a teenager might be. My guess is in many situations men are pulled in by the lure of sex and/or having the opportunity to feel like a hero, and women by someone who finally seems to listen, understand and helps feed the weak areas of ego. But I'm sure there are other reasons...
Yes my husband definitely had a big hand in the affair and the divorce. The way I used to describe it was that; Although my marriage had been "dying," (my husband was unhappy prior to meeting OW), she handed the nails to my husband while he pounded them in the coffin (the marriage). I know it wasn't not "her fault," but what occurred was the result of her choosing to become involved with my husband. I don't believe it would have gone that far without her or someone like her.
P.s. Saffie, I'm reading "Wedding in December." Not her best book so I can't recommend it (kind of slow and dull). By the way... the book I read before this; "The Doctor's Wife" by Elizabeth Brundage, is a fascinating read. The plot is based on an affair and some other controversial topics. Very suspenseful and kind of chilling....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
