I don't know what I think about anything.. I think maybe I'm coming down from a high from all the contact and attention he showed me yesterday.. In all the confusion of why and WTF from his many phone calls yesterday I realize this morning how much I miss that. It SO felt like old times.. so much so that I messed up and talked some taboo talk when I saw him last night. I talked about the book "for women only" and some of the things that men need from their wives.. and he said that humans are just like animals... so when you look at the male & female relationships in the wild very rarely is there monogamy. It's all about procreation and survival. I also mentioned how the last chapter says the one thing all men want their wives to know is "just how much they love her"... and he looked at me with pity in his eyes and gave me an awkward hug.. and said "I really do love you, that's why this is so hard". He said that he's really enjoyed our last few visits together as a family... and that lately his mind doesn't seem to keep going to the "need to date other people" scenario but that he's all consumed with thoughts of D2, me and his work and that's pretty much it.
And as for the sex thing.. geez, I guess I should just tell you that it's happened a few times since he left.. and I know I'm a bad girl especially since it's always initiated by me... very anti dbing on my part. It's not loving like ML... it's more carnal on both of our parts...
I apologize for not owning up to the sex thing sooner... I guess I didn't want to hear that it's wrong and I should stop... I know I could very well be pushing him farther away, I could very well be enabling his "cake eating", but then I could be doing a HUGE 180 compared to our SSM.
I need to do something today to pick up my spirits.. maybe I'll go take my new coat out for a walk!!!
