I'm not entirely certain that this is the correct place to begin my first post on DB's. I am a new member and had been posting on another website for the past few months with little feedback. A member of that site suggested I look into DB's and most specifically "sex starved marriage" to gain some insight/support.
First let me start by saying that I am not married but, in a long-term committed relationship. I was married from '81 to '93 to a functional alcoholic and divorced him to save myself and my kids. I spent the time from "93 to '05 working on my career, myself and my children. I only re-entered the dating scene within the last 3 yrs. Went on many "coffee" dates, dinner dates etc. Dated two men within that time for a matter of a few short months and found them to be poor long-term matches and ended both relationships easily. I am not looking for a man to support me or be a "daddy".
All that said, I am now in what I perceive as a long-term committed relationship (14 months). We are living together, in my house and have been doing so for months. When we began dating we shared our thoughts regarding everything we were looking for and appeared to be on the same page. Our sex life was amazing...we liked the same things, were excited by one another, tried new things...this is where the breakdown began. Around the 4th or 5th month together we began to view soft porn(very soft) together to spice things up. How I regret that now. What I viewed as a once in a while tool has become an obsession/addiction for my SO. He no longer wants sex with me, at this point it's been four months since he's even touched me. Prior to this I noticed a sharp decline in his interest...he was no longer initiating, talking about or interested n sex with me. He would refuse my advances with standard statements like, "gotta headache, sore from work, tired, sick...when he ran out of those it became...sad, in a funk, depressed, worried about, money, family issues...the list goes on and on. Throughout this entire time however, he has been masturbating to online porn. I find the evidence on the computer, and other forms of evidence tucked away under the couch, in the hamper, between the cushions. You get the picture.
I feel that sex/intimacy are a neccessary part of a loving relationship. I feel I am of no use to him as a woman. I feel sad, rejected and lonely. Of course I have gone thru many other emotions during these months as well...anger, resentment, frustration...just to name a few.
I need help/advice, please. And yes. I have talked with him, on many occasions. I will elaborate in a future post if asked for futher info and receive a response(s) to this one.
Thanks for reading this and for considering responding.
