Finding my way out of the dark

[mishka422]

Yes and no. Anyone 16 and over can drive a golf cart but technically no license is required. 12 year olds can drive them with parent or guardian, 15 year olds can drive them alone with valid learner's permit, after that it's fair game! Trust me, people around here have some pretty crazy suped up golf carts! There are over 90 miles of paths throughout our city and everyone goes EVERYWHERE on them. In the summer I even commute to work on mine if I have the time in the morning.

I'm so NOT a drinker so 1 beer and I'm pretty much buzzed. I'm the standing joke of my bunco group...just kidding. Seriously, this party tomorrow night will be good for me, I hope. The only problem I foresee is that everyone there is coupled and I have no idea how it is going to feel being the 5th wheel there. There should be a large crowd though so maybe I can just blend in.

I did talk to my H tonight and told him that I would appreciate it in future that if he is not going to follow the schedule he agreed to he needs to let me know in advance if at all possible so I don't make plans for the night he is supposed to have S13. He snickered at me, said whatever, and that was that. I swear I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him!!!!!!! What a jerk!

Do any of you ever wonder if we are all just kidding ourselves? These people we ms arried really aren't in MLC, they are just WAS' who have not a care in the world and would just LOVE to be completely rid of us if we would only get a darned clue?

I know that is not a good attitude to have and it's not healthy sounding but it's just a thought that keeps repeating in my head. I don't WANT to love my H anymore since it only brings me pain. I don't WANT him to be in my every thought all darned day, every day, all darned night, every night. I don't WANT to be alone for the rest of my life. Obviously, Friday night on my couch is not good for my psyche.

Ok, I really wanted to stay positive tonight but went to this horrible dark place. I'm letting the loneliness engulf me. My son isn't even here after I cancelled my darned plans. His friend called him and asked him to come over to watch movies with him and he looked so hopeful that I couldn't tell him no. I mean seriously, what was I going to tell him, "No honey. Sorry, you can't go have fun with your friends. You have to stay home with your loser mom who is going to sit on the couch and feel sorry for herself." AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!