Everything about this feels so wrong, but is actually so right.

Patience is such a big part of surviving the crisis of a spouse. Patience with their boorish behavior. Patience with their spewing. And yes, patience with their silence.

Go look up Bookpusher or another member here who has a spouse who walked away and has rarely looked back. Consider Wantlove who, though summarily dismissed the other night in a rather insensitive manner, has dealt with a spouse who simply walked out and wants nothing to do with her now.

ImLin has posted to you repeatedly about her husband, how he left, moved away, started his "other" life and left virtually no word to her. Especially consider her, because she now has a marriage again with a man who once abandoned her.

Time is a powerful thing, for BOTH of you. Time apart to recollect yourselves, time to re-ignite your spiritual life, time to heal emotionally from all the hurt, time for him to figure out what in the world is wrong with him.

So you don't like quiet, I understand that. Fill your quiet with OTHER things. Fill your quiet by doing more things with your children, by working more, by starting a new hobby that you've always been interested in but couldn't find time for. Fill the quiet by finding a place where you can do some volunteer work - helping others is a great way to get the focus off of your sadness.

The point is Kissak, this reduction in the interaction between the two of you serves the greater good of actually INCREASING the chances that the two of you can make something of your marriage again one day.

What was it the old wine commercial used to say? "We will make no wine before it's time." Or something like that. Consider a similar idea for your husband and the relationship between you. For everything there is a season, the Bible says. Perhaps this is your season of quiet, of looking within, of righting yourselves individually.

Assuming that he is filling HIS quiet time with someone else is just masochistic and unjustified. If you listen to the dark voices, they WILL keep speaking. Turn them off.


Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."