Hey there fb2 - Just checking in and wanted to say hi... I've been kinda out of here lately and then tings go crazy and I feel like i can hardly be giving others advice...
I know it's hard when people don't post. I personally was taking a break from posting. It got me down and i just kept thinging about a lot of negative things. Certainly glad to have the support though now, when I need it.
An idea on Ws anger based on my own in the past - For me, H kept doing little things to hurt me, not help me, disrespect me, etc... each offense on it's own, didn't bother me, but added together, it became a big issue. I remember trying to explain it to him when I told him i wasn't in love with him. that no, he didn't always make me unhappy, but looking back over the last year or so, I had more moments of misery than of peace. I think, at least for me, that I try to think of specific instances that i remember feeling like that. He says how was i disrespectful and I say, it was in the way you talked to me and treated me... He says i don't know what you mean. I try to bring up something specific, but it may be years old... We forgive those things, but we don't forget, so when we start feeling similar to that again, it's easier to get back to that moment of hurt/anger/frustration like it just happened.
That is a possiblity, but i also think she's probably struggling with her M being over. From a mother's POV, if i leave, I'm taking responsibility for my pain, his pain and the pain of my children. Your W, at one point, felt it was worth that, but still has to struggle with it. I'm sure in her head there is a lot of, "why couldn't you be this way when we were M, then I wouldn't have had to leave" She may not voice that, but I'd say she thinks it.
When you asked her about the R, she blew up... IMO - she's thinking, see, this isn't so bad, we can talk and still be friends. We'll all be ok. Then you ask her about getting back together and she's faced with the effects of her decision to leave. He is still hurting. He's not getting over it. This is never going to work. I feel stuck, this isn't fair... I'm not saying that her thoughts make sense and I could be totally off base, but i know that, especially if she doesn't deal well with difficult situations, that this could make her panic.
I am glad that she seemed to get over it fairly well, but I agree with Just Me... don't let her ability to get over something be a trigger that anything has changed. It's not to say it hasn't, but no expectations...
I think they can go from upset to happy to angry and back so often because they are dealing with the emotions of this as well. I think, for my sitch, i tend to be too accomodating and understanding of H. He gets angry and I justify it in my head and deal rather than confronting him like i should, but I do think that it is vital for everyone to understand that the WAS is probably hurting too. I think their POV is slightly warped, but it's probably just just like us... they have good days and hard days....
Don't stop posting unless you feel you need a break.
Take care!!
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
