unbroken, thanks so much for your reply. I also don't have much of a choice and woulnt' want to be with him anyways. Trying to be objective and not to despair, I'm looking for a mediator as we speak. Since we'll be filing a no-contest D I think in my state we both have to file.
I still sort of feel I'm in the twightlight zone, I'm going through the motions as if it were not happenign to me. It only feels real when Ihave to tell people, I had to tell my friend today, a friend from church yesterday and next week... my son, my sweet sweet boy. Then, my family, it's actually going to hurt them more than me when tell them, I know they'll be outraged and will hate the borg's guts (he no longer is a H to me, thus the nickname). Theyv'e seen me go out of my way to make H happy, drive around, get stuff for him, trying to do things he liked, etc etc. hope next week is over fast.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Going through the motions one day at a time. Good friends and family can get you through anything. Hang in there, it will be over before you know it, then you will be starting the next chapter in your life.
Had another talk with him, actually feel better, though I fear I'll get a reality check once we go to the mediator and we get down to business. I should enjoy my innocence while I have it, lol.
Thanks for your support I'm blessed with a big (and noisy) family, church family and awesome friends, online and IRL.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Like the others, don't really know what to say except sorry you're here.
Mediation fees are negotiable, like everything else in D. So I say just dig your feet in until he gives in and agrees to pay them or to reimburse you. My mediation fees were rolled in with attorney's fees, and XH paid them all.
{{{sweet cat}}} i read the blood bath in Piecing. you're hooked up with good peeps here (they don't know me from adam, but i was the Queen of Lurkdom the last 2 years, so i think they are great)
you are such a dear friend, and you know how i feel about the whole situation. i would hire a man named Guido to off your crazya$$ H if i could, he has made me so livid over the last year.
i am your inner Rant.
love love love to you, sweet friend. you are going to be amazed at what God's going to do with this clear sky on your horizon. i know it.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
You have to do what is the best for you and your sitch.
Exactly.
But as to legal issues, get educated. Don't take his word for it.
Google, state specific, and the library.
It's hard to know "case law," or "what is the likely interpretation" of the laws you read, without an atty.
Most states have simplified things to nearly 50/50 if you have no kids, or if you do and your salaries are similar.
Just try not to read the laws "in your favor" when you study up.
The judges read them as impartial, impatient, interested only in the kids, (if any,) and maximum "fairness" with the minimum amount of time spent on hammering out details.
Infidelity and etc. mean almost nothing these days in most states.
Best,
Punkt
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
BI))))))) my dear friend! lol, you are something else, keep Guido on a retainer, just in case
God is already giving me peace and detachment, and H is begining to see that D and S ain't all that, with CS, his debts and his own rent he'll be lucky to afford some coffe.
almosthopeful, I told him at the beginning that he'd have to pay for the fees when he wanted me to put them on our joint credit card, I balked, saying this was his idea. He asked me why was I delaying this, that he did not want to stay married to me, why was I holding on if there was no hope, that if we were mediating we should both pay for it. At someone's suggestion I agred to pay half, but not to put it on a joint card, it will on his card and I have some credit ($ he gave to ow without my knowledge) so I won't have to pay for anything for a while.
Punkt, I'm trying to read up on stuff, it's a bit overwhelming and I'm just getting my feet wet. I'm not afraid of books, lol, so I will be reading plenty about it, thanks for the head up.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I read your good-bye post over in piecing and now this one.
My own experience over here has been comforting. The people are good here and we all did our best to save our M. I've experienced personal growth on this forum more so than some of the others. I've witness the growth of others and have been influenced in a positive manner by their stories. I think it's very important to take the time to heal. It doesn't necessarily end when D is the inevitable conclusion.
The rollercoaster has come to a stop, but the motion sickness is still there. Take your time to absorb what has happened and know that it's important to make peace with your stbx and with yourself.
This really isn't the end of your journey, it's the beginning. How you move forward will define you and leave an impression on others close to you.. There are a lot of examples in this forum of how to graciously do that.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Good friends and family can get you through anything. Hang in there, it will be over before you know it, then you will be starting the next chapter in your life.
I'm blessed with a big (and noisy) family, church family and awesome friends, online and IRL.