Anyway, as for your W trying, well, to me that sounds like a lot of what we (and I talk like someone who's still here all the time) urge you NOT to do. Trying is not the goal. Some movie said "there is no try, only do". Yoda maybe? I am not saying you frown AT ALL upon this idea of her effort, just see it for what it is... or maybe isn't.
Yes, it's great that she is willing to try and you 100% accept, validate, and encourage that in her but at the end of the day, at the end of this sitch I don't believe most people want to be in a relationship that requires trying so much.
My wife tried for years to fall back in love with me and then again once we started to get things fixed after OM but it wasn't until most of the trying was removed that she really felt sure she was back for good.
Use her "trying" as a way to buy yourself time. Make sure you don't build any expectations based on what YOU think her trying will look like and just TRY to do your own growing along side her.
