I trully like the way you sound. I really do. Can't explain it, you sound content with yourself and confident. I hope you see it for yourself you are changing...
How many of you have had sexual relations with your spouse since they left?? And is it a bad idea or a bad thing if that were to happen?
W2G
Well, we have had sex during summer holiday. And I regret it now. It just didn't feel right... May be it works well for others, I don't know. In my case it was a mistake.
Still, even knowing it's a mistake, I tried to initiate sex with H when he came home for Xmas. He wouldn't have it. Sigh...
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Michelle talks about this in DR... If it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Sometimes the physical connection is what helps bring people back together. but don't do anything that goes against your own values or boundaries.
Page 292 -- basically the last page/ 2 paragraphs of the chapter "overcoming passion meltdown"-- reread it!! Just that last lil bit!!
I tried to initiate sex with h once over the summer, (july) before the second bomb, h wanted no part at all, he actually left the house for a 3 hour walk. The rejection was horrible. I cried for hours in the bathroom with the door locked. First time i have ever locked the door. After that i went to bed, and closed an locked the bedroom door till the next day. H and i never close doors in my h, so i never close never mind lock bedroom or bathroom doors, that night i did, why i don't know. H refuses to talk about that night. To this very day i hate when h sleeps in the spare room (he hardly does) and closes the door, i usually get up and open it, if he says anything i blame the cat.
In fact the last time h and i did have sex was like May, it was such a terrible experience, i felt so empty, i felt like a $20 hooker. That was also a form of rejection on my h's part. I now look back and think that he made his decision that night that it was over for him. I just felt alone and empty, rejected, hurt. I could not and did not know what to say to him, so i just cried myself to sleep that night and blamed it all on work stress for both him and I.
The choice will have to be yours honey, I really don't know what i would do if h came to me and wanted sex, part of me initially would want to give in, but then my brain would kick in and be like hello! he had been with someone else, what are you doing. Then i could see me having the huge anxiety attack. Transformer is right, dont do anything that you are not comfortable with. Think before you leap as the old saying goes.
hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
How many of you have had sexual relations with your spouse since they left?? And is it a bad idea or a bad thing if that were to happen?
W2G
My W and I have been going at it like jack rabbits these last few days. Don't know what triggered this new wrinkle to our ongoing saga and for sure there is a little bit of skepticism associated with it on my part. But in our case it does seem to be a natural occurence for us and we have both been totally monogamous. It still is kinda bazaar though considering that she served me D papers just 3 1/2 short weeks ago. Maybe it is no more bazaar than our own respective bazaarness.
Having sex when you are estranged fm one another, separated and living apart is not altogether uncommon it seems. You just have to make certain that it is really a consensual thing and that you keep your expectations, of what it will mean in the big picture, very low.
I am still in the midst of seeing how it will turn out for us. But it does seem to be drawing us together in more ways than just the obvious one. I am hopeful that it might cause her to seriously see some errors in her ways. Her acute loneliness is what was the catalyst for us to get back to our tried and true physical love experiences.
Just journalling.. but if you'd like to comment please feel free too.. oh and SG.. yes, I will stop by Karla's thread tonight.
So today I sent my H an email. It is rare for me to initiate any contact with him. It was one of the "quote of the day" emails.. he responded with a Thanks. Great quote
Not sure what I was hoping to hear back.. his response lacked luster but oh well.. there was a friendly happy face thrown in there..
About an hour later my H calls me.. just checking in.. wanted to see how D2 was, how my day was going.. blah, blah blah.. "Hopefully D2 will adjust to his absense soon".. We get on to better subjects.. can't recall what but we chuckle and laugh.. have very friendly conversation. We hang up.
He calls back but has to leave a message. Asks me to call him back as he has news. I call him back. He heard from the orthodontist and will likely get to have his surgery in April which is ideal timing for him.. he is very happy about this.. he once again mentions needing to get internet for his Mom's place (the apartment he is staying in)... I say nothing.. he moves on to another topic.. I start affirming again.. I talk to him about a jacket that I want which is kind of expensive and he said that if I like it I should get it. Once again.. very friendly, laughing, witty banter.. we once again end the conversation.
I go for my lunch break.. and I buy the jacket that I wanted.. I get back to my desk and voila.. a messege. H again has news and wants me to call him back. I call him back. He proceeds to tell me that he's joined a gym and started this morning and that he's really happy about it and that he got a fantastic deal.. blah, blah, blah.. He can use his membership in multiple locations.. one of which is not too far from our house.. I affirm, say I'm glad he's so happy about it and is taking such good care of himself. Then I told him I bought my coat and he said he knew that's where I was when he called during my lunch break. Once again, a lot of banter and fun talk.. and that's it.
Will see him tonight though.. he's coming to the house for his visit with D2.
Just called me again to make sure I knew that it was getting ugly outside and to make sure that I don't have to walk too far..
I tell yah, I don't know if I'm coming or going with him most of the time!
Oh yeah, and he mentioned that ortho called him back and that if all goes well he could have his braces off by the end of the year.. and the ortho mentioned possibly before me!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course H thought that was absolutely fabulous!
I am glad you sound "safe"- cool on a good mood. A lot of phonenecalls, huh? Sharing all these things with you? WTF? Hopefully time is on your side (and for all of us as well).
Kalni
PS If you think you can handle it emotionally, go ahead (re Sex...)
