So you blew your stack. Big Whoop. If that ends the marriage then it was hangin' by a thread anyway. Furgedabowdit. You'll learn to just ignore her spew-fests. It really is a valuable skill. Before long, she'll be unloading some truckload of bile on you about how she wasted the last 20 years married to your sorry butt and meanwhile, in your mind you're on a white sand beach with two buxom bikini babes rubbin' lotion on ya and your just looking at her with this stupid smile like a dog watching TV because all you hear, somewhere off in the distance, is this blah-blah-blah noise rising just above the sound off waves crashing on the beach in your mind.
That, my friend, is detachment. And you will get there.
Here's another example. Ever see that movie "Office Space"? Great movie. If you haven't, get it. Anyway, you need to be just like the main character, Peter, just after he gets hypnotized. Calm, confident, detached.
Hang tough.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Thanks Grace and Bomb. Day is getting worse. She is really pushing my buttons. I gotta stay clear of her today. I am sure she is peeved because of my GALing and PMA.
I have a S12 BB game at 7:30 tonight and tommorrow morn then W goes to Philly. I can't get it out of my head that something is going on in Philly but I can not assume anything. The rest of the weekend will be just me and the Boys. Soccer on Sunday. The house willbe quite and easy when she is not there.( I can't believe she told me I was not a good parent the other day. I am the best Dad's around and everyone says so. What other Dad would do this and spend 4 weeks a year in Maine with there kids).
She is so crazy right now.
Hey guys help me to get Tryingman back on this blog. He is a very good man going through a hard time. I talked to him for a while today. His heart is really in the right place.
Hey I have a bunch of questions. First, for Zebra: Originally Posted By: Zebra
We all know approx. 50% of all marriages fail. 2nd marriages fail about 62% of the time, 3rd about 70%. I've read that approx 80% of all married couples are separated at sometime in their marriage for 2 months or more. (I know I've been separated by work for a month, and by emotion for months, even tho she never left). 14% of all divorced couples eventually remarry EACH OTHER!!! 2/3rds of all divorced couples would choose to stay married to each other if they could have solved the primary difficulties that led to the breakup. Many people who are divorced never seriously try to save the marriage before the divorce.
source? IS this really true or did you read this stuff in an email you got from a friend of a friend of a friend?
I didn't want to provide footnotes to this in the first place, so I should never have posted it. However, now I have done the research, and here are some sources that support most of it. Understand, I've been here on this and other boards for years, and at one time or other, I researched lots of useless stats to show to my WAW. Some amused her, some pissed her off. Most brought encouragement to me. Over the years, is seems that the internet had changed from a "library" where you could find all sorts of information and confirmation to more of a "yellow pages" where you find some info and lots of people who want to sell you something. As a result, I've had trouble coming up with supporting statements such as I once found. Sorry
The bulk of this statement, the 80% separation, and the 14% remarriage rate and the 2/3rd who say they would have stayed married if they could have solved primary issues I found in a book "Getting Back Together", 2nd edition, by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz, bottom of page 2. I since found support for the remarriage stat on the internet (can't find it now) but never found further support for the separation stat or "2/3rds" stat. Take it up with the authors.
The failure stats have been around for a long time. In all honesty, I've seen the "first marriage" stated as low as 40%, and it seems that "all marriages" contain that number plus the 2nd and 3rd marriage failure rate in the calculation. They too are all more difficult to find quoted these days. It seems that statisticians used as sources are stating the data in a different way, maybe it's more accurate, but the stats are now seem to be stated as "annual failures per 1000 marriages" and don't make much sense to anyone but a statistician. I did find two web sites that support these statements. http://www.divorcerate.org/ http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsWorld.shtml
So, no, I didn't hear this in an email from a friend of a friend, but I must admit most of what I have simply "heard" is from sources on this board, or from books I've heard mentioned on this board, or other books I found myself or that were recommended by therapists.
Sorry for any confusion. I promise to quote no more stats. The follow up (or foul up) homework after the fact is too stressful...
Don't feel bad man. I would have quoted those same stats from my researh. None of it suprised me and you always have such great insight! There was no confusion at all.
Please keep posting on this board. we need you man.
Kinda a quite night. Trying to detach..Man it is hard. Sat by W for part of the BB game but after about the 10th text and 4th phone call I saud that's enough. Went out until now and did a little GALing. Had fun. I am starting to feel like I don't even like her anymore. She is so full of self importance it makes me sick. I am sure i will love her again tomorrow. Good night!
Sound like there are a lot of people in the same boat. It is miserable. What has helped me is to acept that I am in a bad spot right now, the toughest part of my life. It will not last forever and in the end i know I will be loved and cherished. Accept it and deal. Also it changes everyday, I feel better every day and i know that my babe is hurting a lot more than me which does not comfort me. I wish I could help her but I know I can not. She is going to need to figure this one out herself. I have also found that not matter what I say she she does not hear me but what I do has a huge impact.
I just dropped her off at the train. I was sad. She tried to kiss me on the side of the mouth and I lined one up right smack in the middle of the lips. I was sad. She made some parting wise A** comment before she left which to means she felt bad.
Grace, we are always thinking of you.
I am going out now to try something new with Friends. Paddle Tennis.
