Hey LN, thanks for your support and for reading my rantings. I think the bewilderment and hurt are settling down and not blinding me as much, I'm trying to steady my heart/mind. I can actually see myself being friends with him, as of yesterday i was cooking up ways in which I didnt' even have to talk/see him.
I totally hear you, if anything, what I envision is at least being friends and he can in some small way realize I am not that person that many times made him feel bad, that he sees me as a friend, that'd be good for me.
I have taken 2 helping positions in my church and look forward to help there (haven't done a thing these past years). I will slowly fix my home, I really want to change it, just a coat of paint would do wonders, my dad offered to help so did my brother in laws who are very handy and great.
At some point in the future I was even thinking of joining the "suddenly single" group of my church denomination, to meet other D people. Now, I'm not in such a hurry, I realize that at this stage in life people are pretty set in their ways and I might not be ready to be with someone, it doesnt' help that H was the first real boyfriend I had & the first one in my SL, don't see myself being intimate w anyother...but that's now, we'll see.
In also volunteering for the elderly, I'll do that on the days H has with kids (ok, I'm right now I'm not angry enough to call him Alien and borg anymore, lol).
You are all the best, what'd I do without you all?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
