You ARE a writer - this is really well stated. You've given me a lot to digest. Yes, I've heard all this before, but I find myself having to rethink my prior understandings.
I AM working on myself for my OWN sake - because I'd become someone I didn't want to be. That said, I love my W very much and I realize a long-term relationship isn't easy. Both partners change over time and need to accept change in each other for the relationship to work. I hate the fact that my W is focusing on the past and seemingly not open to the possibility of the future, but as you say, I can't make her change her opinion.
And yet, she moved back in, and last night she said she'd try harder. So there are many positives, but also a back and forth that is very hard for me to reconcile. I don't want a roommate relationship, but I'm willing to show patience while she works through what she wants. It's that balance that is so difficult for me to figure out, especially when ultimately I know we can get through this if she chooses to approach me with a positive attitude. Will the person I'm becoming inspire that? Only time will tell.
There is of course the looming specter of the OM. Yes, you're right - he does represent all the excitement of her ambitions and rising career.
And your charge of BS is accepted. I AM still trying to figure out where I'm going after having settled and lost ambition.
