H is pressuring me for an answer (wow, can't believe I'm saying that), and I don't know what to do.
He called me this morning, and we spoke for nearly an hour. He is very adamant about not wanting the D to happen on Tuesday. He says he will move in, he'll start moving his things back over the next couple of weeks or so. He just needs a little more time, and he's sorry that it's taking him so long.
After much discussion, I told him I need some time for myself to think things through. He said what do I need to think about; he thought I wanted to work this out. I said I do but only if he was back in the house and he's not. I don't want to put a stop to this D, then another month goes by, and we're still in the same sitch with him not living here. I don't want to regret having stopped everything, then go through the whole D process again, having to wait another 4 - 6 months. He said that won't happen.
He tells me (wtf!) to think about how good it would be to be a family again, the cozy fires shared, taking the kids to the park, blah blah blah. He said, "Don't you want that?"
I said of course! But we could still try for that even if we went through with the D. We could still try working things out, and if all went well, we could get back together and the rest would follow.
H said no. He's not ok with that. He wants to work it out now, without going through with the D. He told me how he's not even prepared to go on Tuesday, and he doesn't want to go in there looking like an idiot.
TOO FREAKIN' BAD!!! He's known this day was coming for a looooong time, dammit! Ignorance is no excuse.
He again said that he doesn't want the D, and he will move in if I just give him a little more time. All he asks is that I be nice to him. WTF??!!! He sounds like S3 when he can't have something he wants, "Mommy, you be nice to me!"
I asked him what am I doing that he feels isn't nice? H said nothing. He then said, "You have all the control right now."
I said,"H, this has nothing to do with control. This has to do with where I'm at mentally and emotionally right now, and you as well." He said yeah, I was right.
All I asked from him was to let me get off the phone now. I needed some time to myself. He said ok, ok. Then he started talking about the kids and asking me if I thought him moving back in would make them happy. I said I thought S12 and S8 would be delighted, yes. He asked what about S3? I said I don't know. He's still too young; he doesn't understand what that means. (H moved out when he was still a baby, so sadly, he doesn't quite have the same type of bond with H like S12 and S8 do. It's not nearly as strong. S3 knows that H is 'Dad', but does S3 know what that really means?)
After that, he told me about some things going on at work, then finally said goodbye after asking me to be sure to call him back this afternoon. I said alright, I would.
I don't know what to do!!!
I want to give my boys the chance to have both parents back in their day-to-day lives. I want to give the R a chance. I want to make the right choice.
I don't want to be sorry for making another bad decision. I don't want to regret having stopped everything because nothing happened again. I don't want this next month to go by and see that H still isn't back.
Somebody help please!!!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I said I thought S12 and S8 would be delighted, yes. He asked what about S3? I said I don't know. He's still too young; he doesn't understand what that means. (H moved out when he was still a baby, so sadly, he doesn't quite have the same type of bond with H like S12 and S8 do. It's not nearly as strong. S3 knows that H is 'Dad', but does S3 know what that really means?)
