I've been off the boards for a long time just trying to deal on my own. Broken Tree has convinced me to give posting another shot. Here's my story:
MLC-WAW asked me to move out last Fall. I never left and we're both still living there with me in another room on the couch. Two beautiful kids and a good life but she doesn't want it anymore. No OP for either of us, nothing unforgivable to blame except I wasn't enough of a partner, she's unhappy and wants to be on her own to take care of the kids, says she has no feelings for me anymore. I would love to give her space, but don't want to be apart from my kids and can't afford to live anywhere else either. Plus of course, I want to work on things. She's really committed to ending it and I'm starting to believe she's not coming back to the R. I'm consumed with guilt and fear for the kids and am really having a hard time with everything. The though of even a night away from them is horrible. I miss my family the way it was, scared of the future for my family and cannot seem to accept things. She is a great mother and my kids deserve a strong family. I'm still searching for "the answer" and can't get my mind off of things. She wants me to agree to a separation but I just can't.
I've done 180 (helping out more), PMA but she doesn't believe the changes even though I love the way I am now. I think she's built up so many walls to stop her from considering coming back that I might not be able to get through. I'm terrified and panicked all the time, but I try not to let her see it at all. Nobody wants that in a partner, but what can I do? Everything I try seems to be taken the wrong way.
If anyone has questions or advice, please fire away. I'm ready to start talking about this again. It's too hard alone.
