Yes, I am actually a writer and have a terrible lack of ability to censor/edit myself so I run on... and on... and on
To your sitch I say this (and I am SURE most of it you've heard before);
First of all, make absolutely SURE you are doing all this "stuff" because you want it for you, not to attract her or win her back. You can't win her back. You can only be the man you were when she met you, be the man you want to be and if that's not what she wants, well, then it's not. The OM is a symptom, not a problem. Yes, his continued presence will make a full or even partial reconciliation and reconnection between the two of you very difficult, if not impossible. That said, who freaking cares. Right now you have nothing. You have only what YOU can do in this sitch and that's to become better on your own. She's already quit in a manner and the only thing that will get her back in the game is her actually WANTING to be in the game... with YOU. Making her cage smaller (e.g. cutting off her options, with OM or otherwise) is not necessarily going to make her want you more. Wanting you more is going to make her want you more. YOU are going to have to just BE and the wanting has to come from her. No coercion, no manipulation, no games from you.
Quote:
When we had our R talk last night, she kept asking me about where I was headed. Later she said she was looking for an equal and someone who challenged her. I guess the question to me is, is that who I am and how do I show her that when she already knows me so well?
She CLEARLY has deep issues with you and who you are at the core. Clearly this OM, being someone she works with and presumably shares her same drive for her job/profession she does, represents an ideal to her, nevermind all the pitfalls and high chance of failure their relationship faces if it continues. If her issues with you are related to ambition (or lack thereof) like some of my W's were with me, you need to consider that. As for you showing her that part of you when she "knows you so well", I cry BS. YOU don't know you that well, how can she? You are currently shaping who you are based on the core values and ideals YOU want to exhibit, right? If so, and assuming that will bring you closer to being the man she forgot she loved all those years ago.... get my point? You don't show her anything. You just BE something you want to be, and probably that is similar, if not exactly what she feels is missing.
My wife used to comment ALL THE TIME before her affair that I was not the ambitious man she married. That I settled. That I wasn't going anywhere, etc. Nevermind I THOUGHT I was doing that all in the name of a stable income, etc. She perceived it as a fundamental shift in my ambition and a distinct lack of future. It was a total turn off to her in every way.
Anyway, hope that helps some... will check back on ya when I can.
