I know, I shouldn't have snooped. Oh well. I did notice yesterday that H would leave his phone in the room if he left. Before, even if he went to the bathroom he would take it...or it was hidden. I guss for fear that I would look at it...which I probably would have. He left it out last night though, and there was no desire to snoop through it.
He hurt his back really bad yesterday working out. He actually called me and asked if I would mind picking something up for the pain. He really was hurting. I haven't talked to him today but maybe it is better.
I did get a kiss last night ...thanks for the suggestion Michelle! We didn't talk about him saying I should move in. I just didn't feel like bringing it up last night. He did say he owed me dinner so I said maybe we could go this weekend and he said that sounded good.
He has actually been making pretty good money at the restaurant. He also has that interview tomorrow. He has expressed wanting to work both jobs so that he can pay off some bills (He ran up a few credit cards when we separated). I think that is huge. I guess because it shows a desire to actually take care of a problem..rather than sitting around feeling sorry for himself.
I am glad he seems to have discovered some motivation. The taking care of himself thing is probably huge - he probably feels like more of a man now that he's got these jobs and opportunities coming his way. Funny how we can tie our self-esteem into that kind of stuff.
Sorry to hear about his back. Hope he feels better soon.
GREAT about the kiss. Did he actually initiate or did you just go for it?
While I understand about not bringing up the moving in thing, I do think you owe it to him to let him know you're considering it. He can't read your mind after all, and he's probably just as confused as you are.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I need to learn to let him take care of himself. He needs to feel independent.
As for the kiss, I just went for it. It was when I was leaving..and it was pretty good. I guess it didn't turn him off because then he did mention dinner.
I am just not sure how to bring up moving in, but I will try to do that this weekend.
Wednesday is our anniversay and I want to get him a card. I am trying to work on what I want to say in it. I don't expect him to get me anything or even acknowledge it, but I can't just let it go by without doing anything.
Yay on the kiss! That's definitely an experiment to repeat. *cheers*
I think on the moving thing, maybe something along the lines of, hey I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about what you said, I just need some time?
I think the card is a good idea especially if you focus on new beginnings and creating a new relationship instead of the old one.
I definitely am in the same boat with you in making/letting my H feel independent. It's a hard balance for me. But that and admiration are the two things I have to compete with OW on I think.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yep, I will have to keep the kisses going! I will do my best to bring up moving in this weekend.
About the admiration...H said there was NOTHING I could have done about that. He said no matter what I would have said, it wouldn't have been the same as coming from someone completely new. I know he knows that I love him. But I don't think he feels like I find him attractive, I do tell him this often...but he thinks I am 'trying to make him feel better'. I do find him very sexy, and I don't understand why he doesn't see it. In his mind I was complimenting him because I "had" to, she was doing it because she really felt it. Does that make sense? Anyway, I am not sure how to compete with that. It is his issue, but I don't think I can win there.
I will work on the card this weekend. I do think we can have an even better relationship after all this. I think I took H and our life together for granted, and maybe got too comfortable. After this, I would not do that. I also think I depended on my H to meet all my needs, I didn't do my own things and he didn't do his own things. That is something we have both been able to do during this separation and would have to continue doing.
That's such a catch-22 on the admiration thing. Hopefully this whole stitch has shown him, among other things, that you DON'T have to compliment him, you don't even have to be there, and neither does he. Both of you are in this R because you want to be.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Actually I can see where he is coming from. If H tells me I look nice then that's good...but he always tells me that (even now). If someone else told me I look nice...it would probably be a bigger ego boost. Granted, what happened shouldn't have happened....but I guess I can see why it did. Especially in his state of low self esteem. I do think it was more to do with his state of mind and self esteem than it was our marriage. I don't think any part of it was unhappy or bad.
Your welcome sg...just glad you didn't take offense to what I said.
Well, last night I was so tired and I was just planning on staying home and relaxing. H called me at about 9:00 and when I answered he said he was surprised I wasn't out. I told him I was tired and just didn't feel like it. We talked for a while until he finally asked if I wanted to come over. We hung out and had a really good time. Again, he left the phone right there in front of me...which I think is huge. It tells me he has nothing to hide. I stayed until about 1:00 am and then left. He didn't say anything about me staying, so I just decided to leave. I did gat another kiss
He called this morning and they had told him the wrong time for the interview. Now they want him to come back on Thursday...that is starting to get frustrating.
...thanks for the suggestion Michelle! We didn't talk about him saying I should move in. I just didn't feel like bringing it up last night. He did say he owed me dinner so I said maybe we could go this weekend and he said that sounded good. 