Yes I agree as well, we have been to counseling 3 times. She really isnt on board with that far as I can tell, and it is hard to get behind some of his concepts I have to admit so im not really sure what to do.

Well I know it sounds negative, and it pretty much is, she would agree if asked. She has told me she does not respect me. She denies any hate when we talk about it, but her actions speak volumes to indicate otherwise. For example, she doesnt even like to sleep in the same bed, says it hurts her back/hip I move to much, etc. She generaly is just 'absent' most the time. Usualy her job weighs heavy on her mind, and I accomidate by giving her the space she needs, I can totaly respect that. But yet her issues (with me direct) are I dont spend enough time with her, im not attentive to her needs, not emotionaly available, and she feels I am not accepting of her. I try to be these things, and often I feel they are unwarranted... i.e. I try to always be 'available' to her if she is having a struggle, but I get the feeling she just doesnt want to talk about whataver it may be, and she relies on her boss to provide emotional closeness/support, either out of habit, or I really am just not available to her in the way she feels she needs. And I try to understand what she needs, and provide that, but it's always like she just doesnt care or need my time, attention, or touch, or ..well.. anything. She has always pride herself on being a "low maintenence" woman, and she is a very independent person, but there is a drastic change from when we were dating. A change large enough I feel we need to address it and deal with it together, but everytime we talk, she feels there are no problems, everything is fine, and im just insecure/typical horny male.. She has made it clear she does not need sex, she wants sex, but that is VERY rare. This again, very different as time has gone on, and worsening.

So not to ramble TOO LATE lol , but I dont know at this point if she wants to work on it.. It's difficult when we talk, that she denies there is anything wrong. She did talk alot during the counseling and it seemed clear in that setting there were things wrong in her mind with our relationship. She felt that I 'tricked her' into loving me.. This was funny, and I still have to laugh at it, but a sure sign she isnt the happy camper she portrays when we talk.. and the total loss of desire is the biggest red flag you can wave in my face, i am a very affectionate and physical person. This is one of the main reasons she was attracted to me so much in the first place.

So I am stumped, because when we talk she says yes she wants to do whatever it takes to fix things. Yet when it comes time to actualy DO something, it's just too much work.. i.e. "do we have to go to counceling tonite?". I feel like im just digging a bigger hole by making any effort, sort of like acknowledging we have a problem becomes the problem in a way. I think we struggle alot, because I cant find consistency her words don't match her actions. Yet one of the things she stated she needs is consistency.. ???

I feel like this is some really sick riddle, that if I try hard enough ill find the magic thing im doing wrong, not doing, doing too much, whatever, and then everything will fall into place. I just dont know if i will ever unravel the mystery in this lifetime. I cant make anyone "like" me, and I don't want to be the 'manipulator' either, but how long do we go on in a stagnant dysfunctional relationship?? My last hope is by reading the numerous other marriages that are in the exact same boat, that something might click, or I will understand that we are just another two that made a very big mistake and we can change that and move forward with our lives. She is a very beautiful woman, she can round up another cowboy, I just need to know when to set her free, if thats really deep down what she wants. At this point I am totaly at a loss to know if she does or not... Sorry to ramble on AGAIN!