That's a good ideal. The date I had last night with "horse lady" was fun. She's very nice and I've discovered she's even more into horses than I realized. Apparently, she has won many prestigious awards in showing her horses. She makes a pretty good living off of studding them to. She's invited me out to her ranch next week to go horseback riding. I can't wait to see her ride.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Had a blowout yesterday with stbx about S8 and Sunday's Dad/Son basketball game. I have been working since Wednesday night and will be working into Saturday night. I won't get home from work until Sunday morning at 9:30 AM. The event doesn't start until 2:00 PM, so I would at least be able to get maybe 3 hours of sleep. I told stbx I want to do it for S8, but that It wouldn't be easy playing a basketball game after 3 hours of sleep. I wanted to drop him off after the event so that I could go back home and get a few more hours of sleep.
You think it wouldn't be a problem and she would understand, but she blew up at me going off on some wild tangent about my social life and how that is more important then being with my S8. She was mad because I wouldn't take him after the event to do something else with him. I told her I would be to tired to stay awake and that just attending the event and participating would be about all I could muster on such little sleep.
It got really nasty. She's always so angry and cranky anymore. I try to avoid her like the plague. She tries to drag me down and hates to see me in a good mood.
She doesn't criticize me as much for being a bad husband since we've been separated for 2 and a half years, but now she uses every excuse she can find to criticize me as a Father. I've totally had it with her. I've got to learn to do a better job of not biting on her bait she throws out there to drag me into her misery. Seems she loves to push my hot buttons and I hate loosing my control over it. She's the only one who has this ability. I can maintain under any other circumstance. I hate myself for letting her affect my mood like this.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I've totally had it with her. I've got to learn to do a better job of not biting on her bait she throws out there to drag me into her misery. Seems she loves to push my hot buttons and I hate loosing my control over it. She's the only one who has this ability. I can maintain under any other circumstance. I hate myself for letting her affect my mood like this.
Well, no need to be hating your self dear heart.
I know it is hard to let her words wash over you.
But I bet you do it alot faster than you did before.
You are doing right by your son, don't let her tell you otherwise.
Oh and horse lady was much better, and funny.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Tom, you would be the first one in line telling me not to listen to STBX's nonsense.
She is spewing about what she can and it probably has more to do with her than it does with you. You do what you need to do, be the dad that you are and let her BS fall by the wayside.
Thanks guys for your responses. Your all spot on as usual.
Had a talk with a female friend of mine who has been through this same stuff all of us have. Her H walked away 4 years ago and has seen his S14 and D16 a total of 3 times since. He moved to another State with OW. She really picked me up on this one and explained via her own experience the stark contrast between a good father and a delinquent one. I know I'm a good Father, I'm not going to let her try to make me feel guilty anymore about this.
We have blizzard warnings here tonight. It's really bad out. My work has reserved a block of rooms at the convention center across from our facility, so I will be here until Sunday morning. Hopefully, I can get back home by then to participate in the Father/Son event if they don't cancel it. My Sister told me she would watch my S afterward if I wanted to get a few hours more of sleep. Her S is the same age as mine and they are close buddies. She just lives down the road from me and she is also a single parent. We pretty much trade favors to help each other out.
I'm pretty sure stbx wants to visit the OM in prison on the 1 PM to 4 PM visitation session. It takes her about an hour/hour and a half to get back home which would put it close to the 5 or 5:30 PM time frame she was so bent out of shape over. The hypocritical nature of these WAS's is just unreal.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
It was my S7 now 8 birthday Tuesday. I couldn't believe it, but my stbx gave him up and let me have him for the day and overnight. She probably had a bar stool with her name on it I would imagine, but I'm not complaining.
We took full advantage. I picked him up after school, went bowling, then to toys r us for him to pick out a birthday gift. I already bought Columbus destroyer game tickets for their opener this Saturday. I'm taking him and my oldest there. That's what he wanted for his birthday, but I had to spoil him a little more.
Yesterday, I had bought some cup cakes for him to take to school so his class could celebrate. As I was walking him to class, I dropped the container and the plastic lid came off. A few of the cup cakes rolled onto the pavement. I quickly picked them up and brushed them off. Luckily they rolled on the side, so the icing was still in tact. I think I beat the 6 second rule. Or was that the 10 second rule? Anyway, I'm pretty sure my Son kept the lid on the cup cake spillage. I don't think I had enough extra to go around.
Anyway, I'm enjoying being a Father and enjoying life here. I'm learning to adapt to the single father roll and paying close attention to any negative affects this is having on my boys. I think my radar has never been sharper when it comes to sensing something wrong in their lives that they are to reserved to share. I'll pry it out of them so we can deal with it.
It's tough as a divorced dad to manage your relationship with your kids from a distance. I'm sure there are those out there that understand what I'm talking about. I don't want to be a stranger to them when they grow up.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
