I feel honored. Still haven't made it all the way through your sitch - man, you're a prolific writer!
I don't know if I have any specific questions. Just feeling unsure right now. Long story short, I was taking my marriage for granted, we'd become emotionally distant, didn't do things anymore, and then W had an A with coworker and moved out. That ended, but she's stayed emotionally involved with him. I started making changes in myself and W and I started having dinners, talking, etc. We're still like best friends. She ultimately decided not to work on M, though, so I said the relationship was over, no more contact, then left for vacation. She freaked and wanted to move back in. So, she's been back almost 2 weeks, but it isn't going so good. We're like roommates and she's emotionally distant. Won't stop contact with coworker.
Latest is that last night we were talking about having a possible dinner party. I said I was unsure about inviting people because I thought she was getting ready to move back out - she said she was. We talked quite a bit, but it was all cerebral - good, though. She said she didn't feel attracted to me anymore and didn't know how long to give it a chance. I said I knew it was going to take time, but didn't think much could happen if she was emotionally attached to coworker. She just hung her head. At the end, I told her she should move out if she didn't want to be with me. She left the room for awhile, then came back in and said she wanted to stay and would try harder.
I guess I do have questions. What is trying harder? What will we be doing when we're "trying harder"? What can I do to attract her when she works long days with the exciting and new OM? Of course she feels weird coming home - how can I change that when her emotions are focused elsewhere?
Besides the above, I did do something that surprised both of us the other night. She was going to bed and I asked if we could talk a minute. She reluctantly came back and sat down. I was going to talk R, but instead asked her where she saw herself in 4 years given her current path. She really brightened up and we had a great talk. It made me realize that I might think I'm trying, but maybe I'm not connecting in the ways I think I am. When we had our R talk last night, she kept asking me about where I was headed. Later she said she was looking for an equal and someone who challenged her. I guess the question to me is, is that who I am and how do I show her that when she already knows me so well?
