Lanzo, You seem to be creating an expectation that a certain type of discussion with your W will allow you to forgive her. If she says the right words, and with sincerity, than you can forgive her.
I don't think forgiveness is conditional. It is based on unconditional love and compassion, in spite of the betrayal of the past. The emotional work is yours to do.
When you have a distressing thought about your W try the Breathing Space exercise. 1) Identify your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, 2) Become aware of your breathing and practice staying with the breath, and 3) Breathe into any painful parts of your body, with the idea of softening and accepting the pain and distress in your body.
Three minutes is all you you need to break the pattern of spinning in your mind, and intensifying negative emotions. Practicing the rest of your life is needed to cultivate a healthy mind, and to counter negative reactions to events.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
