Sorry you had a bad night. I agree that you keep the good times close to your heart. It will take awhile wven with your bet GAL stuff for him to not be right in the forefront of your thoughts. Eventually, it will get easier esp if you can focus on yours and the kids happiness.
If you haven't read imlin or brandnewdays old posts (just to name a couple) take the time. Most of us feel at some point that our H or W is the one that isn't coming back. I think that's partly a defense mechanism.
