I don't think I know anyone here anymore. It's been several months since my last post but I thought it was time to stop in and just say that this CAN be done. My story is long and VERY well detailed on these boards. If you care to look me up (do a search for grasshopper or totallymessedup or just click the "current thread" link at the bottom on this post for a list of all my past threads) you'll see that my wife had an affair, continued to have an affair while I found resources like this one and through my re-learning how to live and love, my marriage was 100% saved and now, as cliche as it sounds, we are better than ever!
I just want everyone here who is mired deep in what seems like an unworkable situation to realize that I was there too. I spent a long time there. I logged over 3000 posts on this board working through my issues and in the end, the unbelievable happend... we made it through.
Is my marriage 100% free from suspicion? No. Has there been times when the OP popped back into our consciousness? Yep. Have things been all good since we reconciled? Not at all but they are light years ahead of where they were pre-affair.
If anything is learned through this process, and while I have not spent any time recently reading threads I assume people still talk about this here, it's that you need to change your life for good, for you, and things will be better.
I am not too terribly sure how much I will be around but I may check back in if anyone has questions.
GH
P.S. If for some ungodly reason there are still some of the old crew around from my days here, check in!
Sorry Hope. I wish things had turned out better for you. Of course, things don't always turn out how we'd like but at that point we take what we learned and try to make a better life. There, sound enough like a greeting card?
I certainly wouldn't consider myself an oldtimer, but I did find inspiration in your posts. Your name frequently comes up as an example to follow.
Glad to hear that things are still going well. Again, that is great inspiration for me to know that things can continue to get better. We've been seriously piecing now for just about two months and things are going well.
Things are fantastic. No hint of any affairs, etc. I have kept up most of my changes that I made when I was here. I still try to validate but fail more than I'd like. I still try to keep the romance on, and in that department, things are better than ever too. W says a lot how happy she is with me and how great she knows she has it.
Actually OM came up a few weeks ago when his new girlfriend (yes, that's right HIS new girlfriend) called my W and told her that OM was talking about offing himself and that my W was who he wanted to talk to. W told her to F-off but was upset about it. I understood but in the end told her that it was not her responsibility to do anything other than what was best for OUR family, not his or anyone else's. She agreed.
After that little drama, we talked a bit more about the sitch, and then it was gone. I think the key that made it really a non-issue was that I clearly told her I didn't give much of a damn and while I totally understand her not wanting to see someone hurt or die, I would not be cool at all with her getting involved. He clearly has people around him who care so let THEM care for him. I don't think she would have gotten involved but at the end of the day she was in my arms crying not just over the crappy way these people tried to rope her into a crap situation but how supportive I was. She said over and over how lucky she was to have me and feel like she could talk to me.
Of course we have our moments. I think we actually fight more now than ever but then again it was not anger but apathy that almost split us so passion in all it's incarnations is a welcome addition to our marriage
GH, Ever think of summerizing, consolidating your posts? When I was having a hard time, I'd go back to your posts and wade through some, but man.... there's a lot there and not all of it germane.
Your story is amazing, and what you went through incredible. Truely, it gives hope to many. To life with your W while she had an A. What was that? Unconditional love? Seeing past the surface to what was important? Patience? Compassion? What gave you the strength.
And it's huge strength. It's easy to get angry, yell, demand, get a D, it's hard to have your ego thrashed, your self worth beaten, and find the strength to soldier on. And not in a pathetic, have pity on me, isn't my lot in life terrible way, but a positive way, and active, I choose this, I'm controling what I can and letting go of what I can't kind of way.
So anyway, what do you think? Post a success story, with a synapsis?
I wish I could run a spell check on this, but oh well.
thanks again for the help in the past. Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you're doing and that it can work.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
