I have not been the most approachable person in the past and have had the tendancy to be controling and actually feel that I made him feel worthless. Not good!
This jumped out at me always - I was like this. I think I actually drove my H into his A by my behaviour. I didn't know my H was having an A until he told me; he told me because I had been detached from my H and unhappy in the M and then I realised that it was me that was the problem and started working on the M/R. It was due to the changes that I had made that my H told me about the A and returned emotionally to me. His opening up to me was prompted by an email I sent to my H apologising for the way I had been. I guess what I am trying to say is that acknowledging that your behaviour had a large part to play in the M problems, is the first HUGE step to recovery I believe - make sure your H knows you are sorry for this - my H was so overwhelmed by my apology - it soothed a lot of hurt for him.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
