It is not too late! It is great that you have this insight about yourself and can stop repeating the mistakes. One thing I would like to remind you of is not to point out to him the changes you are making in yourself. If he says anything about it, then just reply that you are trying, and then leave it at that. In the book DR by Michelle, she explains how to act "as if" everything is okay and you go on about your life. Easier said than done, but read her chapter.....I can't explain it as well.
My hardest thing in my M was to show my H admiration. In every book I have ever read about MR it says that is the number one thing that men crave is to be admired. I always feel so phoney when I say anything to him.....I guess b/c I never did, so it makes me feel uncomfortable. However, I don't seem to have a problem giving other people compliments, so I need to practice doing it for him until I feel that it is coming more naturally.
We do tend to take our H for granted after a few years of M and it gets so easy to start letting things go. I have told several others that my grandmother told me on her 60th wedding anniversary that you never reach a point that you don't get to stop working at having a good marriage. I thought, "Oh brother! 60 years and still having to work at it!" But, she was right. I have been M for 42 and a year ago for the first time in my life, I had an EA on line. I am ashamed, but it happened. I would have been the last person on earth that people who know me would suspect doing anything like that. But, when there is a breakdown in the M due to neglect or whatever....it can happen to anyone. Before you think of me as the enemy.....my OM was not married. He had been D for many years and no children. He fed my ego and made me feel young and pretty and sexy again. So, what I wasn't getting from my H, I got from the OM.....except physical contact, but I had not received any of that from my H for 12 years either. I think most people that have an A are seeking something that they lacked in their own M or else they are going through a MLC and that just makes anyone go crazy and do stupid things. There again, even at my age, I had sort of a mini MLC I think b/c of the signs I have read about. Thank goodness for the people here that came to my rescue and helped get me turned around.
You can do it sweetie! I doubt that OW is prettier than you or sexier than you or anything else. It is just something that she is giving your H to make him feel good about himself. She is probably admiring him! H's have left beautiful, sexy W's for some less attractive woman just b/c she made him feel more like a man (as they say).
So, just get yourself all dolled up and read books to make your self esteem rise and step up to the challenge!
Take care and keep coming back.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
