I DON'T KNOW

[SuperDad]

Hi Sara! Don't know how I got to LS's thread, but then I saw I was cited in your post...eirie.

Anyway, LS. Hi there. I am going to say some stuff here that is a bit out there, but it worked for me:
- she ain't going anywhere, at least not for long.
- let her go.
- let her take the kids (it won't last more than a short while)
- let her file

- be the rock.
- live your life.
- completely detach yourself from her rollercoaster.
- stop trying to "save" your marriage. If it is meant to be, it will be, but you have to reclaim your life first.

Along those lines:

- cancel all joint accounts, pay all the bills, but..
- give her nothing and tell her to get a job if she wants some money.

I did this and my W was livid, I mean PISSED!!!! She asked for me to give her "temp. alimony". I told her she could try for that by filing for the big D, but I did not think she would get it since I was already paying all the bills.

She is still living here 5 mo. later, but at least is working enough from home to pay for her stuff (incl. plane tix to visit OM). It is not optimal, I would prefer if she would get a real job and a real life and find a place of her own.

Unfortunately, I do not any longer want to save my marriage. I can see that you still do. But in any case, without RESPECT, what kind of marriage will it be? I don't think that our W's respect us at all, we are just a source of security for them. They are like teenagers and need someone to put their foot down and say "Enough is enough", either treat me with some respect or get out of my life.

OK, rant over...

Whatever you decide to do, best wishes!

SD