I still haven't confronted H about the receipt. I am waiting for the right time to present itself. I prayed for God to let me know the right time, so H would be less likely to freak out about it, and maybe tell the truth, although I think he is still in MLC, and will lie at the drop of a hat anyway.
I guess they have a hard time letting go of ow, and even if our M is seeming to get better, with him telling me he loves me, and isn't leaving me, and stuff like that, there is still the fact that he won't let go of ow. I know it's not all about ow, but it s a problem to me, one that unless and until it is resolved, I will never rest easy in our R. And, I know I can never believe H is being totally truthful with me about ANYTHING. For instance, the bracelet he got me for Valentine's Day, he said he had gotten it a while back, but he actually bought it on the day before or the day of Valentine's Day. Why lie about THAT?? Do they not even know the difference between a lie and the truth anymore??
This MLC cr*p is so tiring to me, and sometimes I wish I could just tell him to leave until he gets his head together on what he really wants, but I also know if he is out there floundering, ow, or some other ow, will snatch him up at his most vulnerable, so I am committed to standing, and when this is over, I will most likely need to be committed to a psych ward for a long rest.
about the bracelet, I wonder if he lied just so you wouln't think he got it last minute. Sadly, lying becomes second nature to people, they dont' think there is much harm done with a "white" lie, that "it wasn't so bad". BTDT, I hear you sister.
Hugs)))) hope the right time presents itself soon so you are not left with that uneasiness day after day, it's sickening.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Well, this morning, I was not going to say anything about the receipt, but for some reason, as he sat at the table with his coffee, I just said it. I said hey H, I found a receipt the other day, I don't know where I put it, but it had three pieces of jewelry on it, one for my birthday, one for Christmas, and a third one that wasn't for me, so I was just wondering what was up with that.
he said I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't buy three pieces of jewelry, and asked me to describe what the receipt said, and expressed more puzzlement over it. Then he said he guessed I would forever be snooping through his stuff, and when I said I found it in the hallway behind a suitcase when I was cleaning, he wanted to know where the receipt was now. I said I don't know where I put it, and he said THAT was odd.
So, he was very silent and finished getting ready for work, and I never raised my voice or accused him of anything. We kissed goodbye, and said ILY to each other, and he left. I called him at lunchtime to chat, and we never said word one about it. So, I don't know what tonight will bring from him...
It's so weird, but I will not bring it up again.
I just know that he knows that I know he is up to something, and needs to think about it and his lying continuously to me.
So, anyway that's that.
And cat, i don't want you to leave these forums, I went over and read the first part of your updates, and I am glad you decided to stay. The crap and vile trash your H spewed out at you, is just like some of the garbage my H will spew at me. Stupidly enough he said I stuck him with a kid (he denies this, now) even though we were married 8 yrs before he was even born!!
quote]I stuck him with a kid (he denies this, now) even though we were married 8 yrs before he was even born!! [/quote] you have got to be kidding!! jeez, I guess I shouldnt take all those things to heart, these people would say the darnerst things.
prayers of wisdom your way hon))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
No, GoingForward, he never struggled (visibly at least) about whether or not to unzip his pants, still doesn't.
Yeah, cat, even though things on the surface seem normal (whatever THAT is), every n ow and then my H will just let it all out, the same old crap, many ties the same incident over and over as though he was traumatized for life because of each crime I committed. Such as- about twenty years ago, he decided t9o cook a dish, it was from a cookbook he had from goodness knows where. It was a hot tuna dish, and I did not eat fish back then, and it tasted very awful to me, and when he asked if I liked it, I said no. So, he is very upset still over that, and said I broke him from cooking for evermore. Even his mother remembers how he apparently was so upset over this. Like it was yesterday. Now, mind you, he has said over the years mean things to me if one of my dishes doesn't meet with his taste, and I STILL cook every day.
The flower incident was a one-time thing, too, but it still has him punishing me.
Also, he said one morning, when he was trying to speak to me, I held up my hand for him to not speak just yet, as I wasn't really awake yet (not a morning person) and had to have coffee, so I could even think. He said he went off and cried about it, and I said well, how many times did I do that? and he said once.
Once, just one dang time and I can never be forgiven for it. I did tell him he needed to forgive and move ahead, it wasn't good to keep all that resentment, But I believe he feeds off his resentment and it has been a good, although destructive, friend to him, and he doesn't want to lose it, because then he would have to face his own faults and misdemeanors, and the fact that HE is not the greatest person on earth.
And, cat, I believe this MLC stuff is much longer lasting and has residual effects that are almost brain altering for the time being. I guess we have to (if we choose) bear with it, and see what happens when they finally emerge from the other side.
I know I want some awful big apologies and some remorse from him. Yeah, I know good luck with THAT!!!
oh jeez, I thought the borg (aka H) was the only one holding butt old grudges!! ok, dont' feel as alone or guilty as before. He also feeds on resentment, told me once that that was his driving force, that that's how he got ahead, with negativity or else he couldnt' motivate himself. And in a ways I believe that, I was part of an ADHD group, and when they loose grip of life they let go of EVERYthing and just fall down the gutter something awful.
Some apologies will never come, hugs))))))))))) you know you didn't do anything as awful as his A, so dont' sweat it hon
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
hey, all, just coming to check up on everyone. I see cat has changed her user name; it's a good one to pick, cat.
Sometimes it doesn't feel as if it is passing fast enough, but I know it will.
My H has been acting ok for now, and still has not offered any explanation for the jewelry receipt with an extra piece of jewelry on it. And I haven't brought it up, either.
One thing he is doing is actually spending time with our S15 again. They are building a clubhouse that I bought for our S three years ago, and H wasn't at all interested in us then. He is taking him driving on the weekends. he is attending church with us, although he has been doing that all along anyway.
What I don't understand is that he carried on an EA when he hasn't really changed the amount of time he is at home. The only real changes are that he now actually stays near us in the house, instead of getting smashed downstairs, and he isn't a half hour or so late in the evenings and doesn't leave a half hour early in the mornings. I guess he carried on the affair mostly during work hours. So, given the jewelry purchase, and the still secret cell phone, it makes me wonder how much is still going on. I mean does a man buy jewelry for a woman he doesn't have some sort of a thing with? And I know it wasn't for his mama. She would've told me.
I don't know what the experts say about the timeline of an EA, but it would be about three years ago this summer. Shouldn't it be winding down now, dying that natural death I have heard about?
Did anyone watch court tv today? Or rather, tru tv? It is the case of a cop who had an affair with someone at work, a dispatcher, and had a child with her, and then broke it off after almost three years, and the ow started texting the wife, and sending her nasty and threatening messages, then dressed all in black went to where the wife worked and made her kneel on the ground and shot her, after telling her that she (the wife) had ruined HER life. These psycho women, thinking they have the RIGHT to our Hs. Just blows my mind, and I sometimes think what if the ow in my case decides she has waited long enough. I mean they already have no self-esteem if they go after married men.
I wish ow would stop waiting and go away, already.
Our S said out of the blue the other day he really had to give me credit for the way I was trying to hold our family together during all this, because he wasn't sure if he could.
Well, they are due home any minute, so see yall later.
L God bless everyone with a good night's sleep-- wish I could have one.
