When I was 15 I was getting into trouble with the girls. . . Which is why I will have a shotgun on the back of my pickup, by the time my daughter turns 15.
I think we were all getting into trouble with the opposite sex at 15?
M 45 H 42
D 26 D 18 S 16
Married 19 years Together 24 years ILYBNILWY 1/7/08 OW 10/11/07 ended affair 3/14/08 came home 3/14/08 last contacted ow 3/17/08 4/19/08 trying to piece marriage back.
That loud popping noise was really just me blowing a gasket. think I may have hurt myself, though nothing seems to leaking out of my head this morning.
D13 had a hard time last night in her dance class and was upset and angry when we got home. She talked to me a little and (of course) I told her she could talk to Dad and maybe he could help too. He came into the room I was in and asked what whe was upset about. I said "Why don't you talk to her?" Then he ways, she said to come ask you (with the exasperated eye roll). I gave him the short version using her words. I went to get a drink a few minutes later (should've been tequila) and stopped to ask if she'd talked to him. He tried to talk to her she wouldn't (sigh and wait is he surprised???). I said "Well,t hat's a real pisser isn't it?" on my way out of the room. He said yeah (not looking at me). Somehow by the time I got the the bedroom I was so angry I could've spit nails. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of how he does this too. Then I slammed the door so hard, I'm surprised I didn't break something.
It makes me sick to loose my temper that way. I finally opened the door (an hour + later) and went to bed. I checked on the girls at one point and saw him just sitting on the couch. he slept there. I doubt he'll come back to the bed on our room. He looked really tired and worn out this morning. He said "morning" first and I said "hey". D15 was talking with us. I caught his eyes and said "have a good day". I didn't address my outburst b/c D15 was there. The bottom line is, I'm angry. I get to be angry and let him know. I do not get to act inappropriately. I 'll have to work on that. At least I have enough passion about our M to be angry.
And I'm going to tell you what Jack told me and I remember to this day:
Let your anger be your armor. But use it as your shield not your sword.
OK, so pirate chicks don't usually wear armor, but work with me here. Actually, since I prefer more of a (better be careful with copyrights here) "Epic Fantasy Trilogy" reference:
"There is always hope."
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
The bottom line is, I'm angry. I get to be angry and let him know. I do not get to act inappropriately. I 'll have to work on that. At least I have enough passion about our M to be angry. _________________________
YOU ARE ALLOWED!!!! We are not supposed to swallow our emotions completely. You are not made of stone. Sometimes we have to let it out appropiately. You didnt act like a maniac.
You voiced your anger.
Quote:
Let your anger be your armor. But use it as your shield not your sword.
That is a good quote.
Grace, you are human. Just because they are in MLC does not mean we have to always be worried or ever so gentle with them.
I remember when Jack posted that to you. I liked it then too. Thanks for the reminder.
I know that there is always hope. I find that my defenses are kicking in b/c he's moving. The other thing that is happening with me is that I need to express this passion that I have. Passion for my family. I need to be vigilant here that it doesn't come out as rage.
kiki,
Ah, human...there's the rub. I'm not worried about treating him with kid gloves or that my anger will be "the end". I do need to find a way to give voice to it appropriately though. Unfortunately (?), what is appropriate seems so dispassionate. It comes off like "Are we acting civilized, while we're f***ing up our lives". There has to be something else.
