UP, I was in the same situation as you except on the other side - sounds like where your BS is. We got married because of a pregnancy (there was really no other reason but we were trying to do the right thing). I always looked in the mirror and told myself I loved him, but I wondered if we would have been together if it weren't for our son. I never said this out loud though. WE stayed faithful and had another kid at a good moment, but here it is 8 years later and I found out he cheated about 10 months ago. Still I wanted him to stay because of our kids, and because I felt like he owed it to us. He hasn't had contact with AP (I don't think, and I snoop!) but he seems the same as before - like he's not really into the marriage. I have to admit that I really wanted him to stay because I don't want to break up our family, but we always talk about whether we would have gotten married at all if it weren't for the kid. If I'm honest, I don't think I would have married him either. I'm truley shattered by the A but also not sure I can go on living with someone that I can't connect with. I know I would leave the minute our kids graduate. I am wondering if the affair is giving me a good reason to end it. I want my kids to grow up knowing what a loving relationship is. As it is, we're either silent or fighting, and he always seems distant. We even tried Retrouvaille and tho it was a great way to communicate without our normal screaming and for me to forgive the affair, we also realized that if we're honest, neither one of us has ever been "into" our relationship. Are we just each other's jail sentence. We're thinking of S now becaise not sure if either one has it in us anymore.
Anyway, speaking from a BS perspective, if you can really give her love, you should stay. Not just for the kids tho - I think other people have said this too. Obligation and love aren't the same and I think my kids - even tho at 8 and 6 they are pretty little still - can sense that there isn't love between us.
tornin2 Me, BS 32 Him WH 34 DS 8, DS 6 Trying R but not sure we're feeling it Thinking of S
