Overwhelmed with uncertainty

[GoingForward]

Neecy,

Don't feel bad or anything like that for not knowing what to say. Just the support and understanding alone helps greatly.

What I'm afraid of is getting burned again. I'm afraid of giving H the benefit of the doubt once more and end up being disappointed again. I know I can't think that way - I have to overcome it - but it is extremely difficult when there's been one lie after another, after another..... It is truly hard.

I also think the disappointment shows, and that is what my H was referring to in the e-mail about wanting to make me happy, wanting to see me happy. It's tough not to let his mood (which is usually very bleak) affect mine when he's around. I know he's also very disappointed in himself.

As to responding to H's e-mail, I did this morning, but it was actually already addressed yesterday when I was leaving for work. H unexpectedly came by. I'll journal about that a little later.


Karen,

Right, H says he doesn't want the D, and I have told him that he will have to move back into the house then.

Here's why: We have been separated for nearly 3 years now, and every time he brought up reconciliation in the past, I never suggested he move back home. I suggested we "date", spend time together, alone at first, then eventually with the kids if things went smoothly. I didn't want to risk getting their hopes up too soon.

Well none of this ever happened. Not until just after this past Christmas.

Things were looking ok for a bit there, then what do you know....H was right back on top of the fence. He wasn't sure again, he was confused, yada yada yada. Same old tune.

That's when I said ENOUGH. I told him, "Come March 4th, I am moving forward. I am either moving forward with the D, or I am moving forward with my H by my side. If you don't want this D, then you will have to move back in, and we work on this M TOGETHER. It has been far too easy for you to turn the other way whenever there's been the slightest bit of turbulence between us. All you've had to is go to your place while I'm over here, we go days at a time without any contact, and nothing ever gets resolved that way. You have a choice. You can either move back in and we do this together, or we're getting D'ed. I cannot live like this anymore. I won't do it."

So he does have the choice to move back in or not. He just has to make it on his own.

I also did suggest that we go ahead with the D and IF he still wanted to reconcile, perhaps we could remarry in the future if that's what we both wanted. Start all over again. He wasn't into that idea. He says he doesn't want to deal with the D. He doesn't want it to happen, period.


Thank you for the support, ladies! It really does help.