Meredith..your 5 years continuned.

[Underdog]

One more thing:

The fears of being alone forever. Same song. New verse. Even today - I thought man I jsut want to talk to someone. (yes a male) but I was thinking...

At some point this fear will work for you. I remember fearing the same thing. Once you get your sea legs back and you begin to see yourself for the strong, capable and lovable woman you are, you're going to fear that there is not anyone out there who is truly good enough for you. THAT is empowering, ladies.

Happily, I no longer have either fear. I'm undoubtedly not ready for anyone and honestly, I have to admit that I don't want to share my free time with anyone right now. I love my life the way it is and I'm afraid if I work too hard at anything, I'll want to date someone and screw this all up!

While I'm trying to be humorous here, I'm actually being truthful. I am blessed to have friends who helped me through it all and I'm finally enjoying my own company without needing to give away the company store.

LOL, I say this here and mean it but I have to confess that I had an awesome dream last night. I should be terribly ashamed to tell it all here, but I'll put it out here anyway. I dreamt that Peter Forsberg and I were dating. Oh yeah, dating with sex. I love hockey and I guess my Freudian self wants a sexy Swede? Anyway, I woke up really happy (well, hell this is as close to real sex as I'm going to get for the time being) and although I laughed aloud--hard--at this very thought, I had to admit that it was really nice to wake up feeling like someone was really THAT into me. It's not like I stand a snowball's chance in hell of dating Peter, but that dream was the bomb. I told D14 this morning and even SHE grinned, saying, "Way to go, Mom. You know I'd think that was cool, right?"

So just let this all go and everything will work out just fine. Trust the process. And yes, ask Meredith or Pam how many times we've said that to each other. Lots.

Hugs,

Betsey