I have been purposely not looking up the info on the cell phone
Some may disagree, but neecy, I think that's great!
"Snooping" can be very harmful to you emotionally. Snooping can drive you crazy! It's another form of obsessing - the constantly ongoing feeling of needing to know all the facts, real or not. If you don't find anything to be worried about, it's like an enormous relief. However, if you do find something questionable, or even devastating, it erases every single positive thing your H has done. It puts any progress made in the R right back at zero.
The choice of whether or not to snoop is solely yours.
Originally Posted By: neecy22
I am going to suggest to him that when the bill comes we sit down together and look at it and discuss anything that is on it. My wish is that he would tell me before I see it.
I think that is a reasonable, good plan. Give him the opportunity to "come clean" before you open the bill, and be prepared. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. IF he admits that there have been more calls, there's no doubt you'll be hurt again and might even become angry, but you MUST do your absolute best to remain composed. DO NOT blow up and try your hardest not to cry. Be strong, neecy.
Acknowledge his admission, then give yourself plenty of time to take it all in and process your thoughts. Say something like, "Ok....Thank you for being honest with me.....I need some time to myself now please." Go to another part of the house if you have to or go for a drive.
Again, IF any of this occurs, this is a boundary that will need to be addressed. You have to make it clear to your H that the unnecessary contact with OW hurts you, you do not feel safe, and you are not ok with it. You understand that he has to work with her, but any contact that is not related to business matters is unacceptable. This is one of your personal boundaries, and you would really like for H to respect that.
Originally Posted By: neecy22
Ok I actually sang in the car this morning. And called the radio station, and got through, and thought for sure I won but I gave the wrong answer, what do they know??? Don't you think that 92% of people eat or drink while driving??
I know I do!!
Originally Posted By: neecy22
I believe that his reason for keeping her as a friend is because he is nosey and wants to see what other people are doing on her profile, I don't think he is talking to her on there - but he does on occasion go to her page and see if other people have given her gifts ect. Still doesn't make me feel great that he even cares.
Ok so which is it?
Do you believe he's just being nosey or do you think he cares?
"I don't think he is talking to her on there - " That said, I vote for the former.
Originally Posted By: neecy22
On a brighter note, I got a tea again last night No phone calls the entire day but at 8:20 a text asking if I wanted a tea on his way home from work and then a call at 8:30 since I hadn't responded to the text. He talked a lot, about work, but still a lot last night. She came up once during the conversation but not even her name just as the "she" who conned his friend from another store out of a couch and that he was riding his friend about it all day because he was beaten at his own game. another plus, to me at least, is the new guy that transferred into his store he likes. He was having a real issue after she left that the 3 people in the store he did not get along with and she was his only point of contact who he could talk to about the 3 because she worked with them too. Now he has a new, male, partner in crime.
H brought you tea again, he shared his day with you once more, and he's excited to have a new friend to work with.
Excellent!
Last edited by GoingForward; 02/28/0807:48 PM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I know I do!! 
No phone calls the entire day but at 8:20 a text asking if I wanted a tea on his way home from work and then a call at 8:30 since I hadn't responded to the text. He talked a lot, about work, but still a lot last night. She came up once during the conversation but not even her name just as the "she" who conned his friend from another store out of a couch and that he was riding his friend about it all day because he was beaten at his own game. another plus, to me at least, is the new guy that transferred into his store he likes. He was having a real issue after she left that the 3 people in the store he did not get along with and she was his only point of contact who he could talk to about the 3 because she worked with them too. Now he has a new, male, partner in crime.
