H never came back from Iraq, part 3

[MichelleLT]

Lol, I'm not sure about the woman's perspective sometimes. My H and I always had some weird role reversals, I blame the stars (i.e. the fact that I was born in a male sign and he in a female).

As for OW. Yes, one of both of them will outgrow the other soon enough. I have no delusions about that. If they stay together any length of time it will be out of a desparate desire to make things work in order to justify their past indiscretions.

My H has every right to his feelings, whether or not I agree with them. Just like I have every right to mine. He has sucked up a lot of pain, death, and loneliness to get to this place in his life. Maybe he needs an equal amount of time to be selfish and figure out his life and happiness?

At any rate, there are two sides to this stitch, and this letter is about my side. Yes, his deployment exacerbated some of his insecurities, and I was too busy with school to be there for him, didn't attempt to understand what he was going through, and certainly wasn't there to listen when he needed me. That doesn't excuse his behavior in any way, shape, or form.

And yes, he is being a selfish child at the moment.

I am not apologizing for going back to school. And in many ways it's not even about the past, it's about the things I would like to be different in the future, whether with him or not. I don't expect that he will read this letter and toss OW to the side and come back. I want to get some things off my mind and hopefully give him something to think about as well, that's all.