I'm sorry to hear your news. Don't threaten your friends here with your absence, there are lots of places on this board you can move to. I agree, posting in piecing probably doesn't make much sense for you right now, emotionally it would send yourself the wrong message.
As for your R with h, try to quit obsessing about it or trying to understand it. Quit trying to get him to see things your way.
(1) The way you see things today will be very different than how you see them six months from now. NEITHER of you has an objective outlook right now.
(2) Unless you two are actively engaged in trying to mend the old M or create a new romantic R, *there is nothing to work out*. It isn't his job to work through things with you with respect to an R that he is no longer in. The same of course is true of you.
(3) WHO CARES about what recognition he gives to things you have changed in your life. Do not look to him as a source of validation or support. He is neither. It is not healthy to try to squeeze either out of him or to depend on him for those things.
Grieve the end of your old M, but let it go. Let go of being right, let go of trying to "win," let go of making him "get it."
