I think by looking at the traits that many of these OP share it points to some of the shared issues that the WAS have. It is not about making the OP evil or absolving the WAS from their responsibility. I don;t know about anyone else but when I first realized this was happening I thought what is wrong with me, but looking at the other person at least I realize it isn't about someone being better or even about that person at all, because if it was they wouldn't have a page long list of issues.
That is so true neecy! I totally blamed myself when this first happened, and still do to a smaller extent now. It is good to see how it is not just my fault, but there is more going on. I thought if I could just make myself perfect or almost perfect then I could save the marriage, but it doesn't unfortunately work like that...Karen
