And REALLY, you HAVE to figure out why you got involved with her in the first place. Was your pain at rejection SO bad that it made a whacko woman with huge debts and a very erratic life history look like a good bet for a life partner? Where's the logic in that???
Ellie
Hi Ellie...I have discussed this with my psychologist. What probably happened was I was afraid of rejection because of my XW abandoning me. I then met Amy eight months later. I found her VERY attactive (even with her fake boobs, whick isn't usually my thing). Our chemistry and relationship in the beginning was awesome. This gradually developed into codependent relationship. I was afraid of being abandoned and she needed someone in her chaotic life.
It has stuck in my mind what her XH told her when she asked for money for settling their divorce. His comment was something to the effect....."Come on Amy, haven't I carried you enough? I have worked for the things that I have...." This tells me that she was in a similar relationship before. She needed and her XH provided.
Amy is a very independent minded woman, but her life has required her to enter into dependent relationships. I think that she evenually resents them and feels controlled...against her independant mindset. The same thing happened in our relationship.
The sad thing is that any future relationship that she has will like be codependent as well. Anyone who enters into a relationship will have to assume her baggage and 100k debt....the guy will be a "fixer". She will feel controlled by him because of this and the cycle will continue. I really feel bad for her and wish there was some way for me to share this knowledge with her....but as you said I can't "fix" her anymore.
In the future I have to find a relationship with someone who is stable and does not need fixing. I need to find a PARTNER....
Nate
Me: 32 X Fiancee: 34 Bomb: 2/5/08 Separated: 2/6/08
