It's a waste of breath and energy to try and convince anyone they are in MLC or that a marriage a WAS wants to leave ever had anything positive in it.
This is killing me, he said so many things that contradicted the past 2yrs of C and all sorts of stuff he said, planning to move when we retired, adding an extension to the house, all sorts. HOW how can he do this?
Just got a txt from him, saying he's changing his T, that he is so easily influenced and regrets having told that stuff in a mean way, that he isnt' blaming his T for his behavior, but that his T influenced him in some sorts to push me away & focus on him. I was the one who found that T, also the MC from yesterday, it's a group, i regret it so much, they were both useless new age T/Cs. What if? what if we would've seen different Cs? would the result b the same, up to the time he lived w/me he talked about us trying to understand each other, then WHAM, hits me with old stuff as an excuse. And I guess,event if it is a lousy excuse, perhaps he needed one to walk away because he truly doesn't want me.
I told him I didn't hate him (he thinks I do) but that he killed whatever lov I had for him. He did, I hurt because of kids and that I could've had the "american family" , but I don't hurt by loosing him, specially since he still contacts ow, I wouldn't care much if they went back together as long as he keeps her away from kids.
I look at my past and I did make him happy and he did love me, had had bad times, and prob that's when the old grudges held him hostage and depression reminded him of the stuff I said, which kept alive those old wounds. Whatever I had say doesn't hold a candle to what he's done to me, time and time again I've forgiven him so many terrible things, but he wasn't willing to forgive me for those 2 things and let that stuff fester until it rotted him to the core.
What if..
I had a dream, i wake up and he is kissing me all over, i'm baffled and he says "oh, i want to stay with you, all that stuff is gone" I was so happy but afraid it was a dream, so , in my dream I wake up again holding onto him making sure it wasn't a dream, it almost had me convinced. He txted me just now he had a dream all things were back to normal. Still apologizes for his attitude (still wants a D) and hopes we can work things out
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
