Beginning again like a newbie

[ACJ]

Its PMS that is causing me to be down. When I lost so much weight when H left the mood swings lessened. Now it is going back on again they are returning. I don't eat to excess or particularly badly but the mood swings were always a problem in the M especially if we were experiencing difficulties for other reasons at the same time.

Talk to your kids about how tired you are they need honesty from you and make up a rota

If I got paid for doing this I would be a VERY rich person by now Just this morning I got up early b/c I knew we had run out of bread so didn't have anything for the kids lunches. At 7.30 after I got out the shower I asked D12 and S15 to get up and told them I needed help this morning. By the time either of them got out of bed at 8.15 I had dressed myself, dried my hair, made and eaten my breakfast, done some washing up, cleared the work surfaces, fed D12s guinea pig and been to the shop to get the bread.

By the time they finally came down I was crying. S15 did ask what was wrong and when I told him that I was tired and very lonely he asked if I wanted a hug. I accepted that and then said what I really need more than anything else is help around the house. I can't continue on doing everything myself. D12 heard me.

I left for work before they left for school this morning. I was home earlier than I expected b/c my last meeting of the afternoon was cancelled. When I walked in the house there was no evidence of all the work I had done in the kitchen this morning. They had done the same as they always do: make a mess and leave it for mum to tidy up later!

In the past I have left the washing up until every pot we own has been used (we have a dishwasher by the way!) to make a point but it made not one bit of difference.

I'm not a tidy person by any stretch of the imagination and I know it is partly my fault by leading by a bad example. However I'm not a slob either and it is certainly environmentally safe to walk into my house! So it's just the usual thing of my kids not having enough respect.

They are tired of hearing me repeat myself over this so what's the point?

As for seeing a C I've done that and don't actually feel I can warrant the money again. No amount of counselling can take away the fact that when you close the door and climb into bed at night there is a massive big void.

Leave H out of the equasion. He is gone for now maybe for ever

I know this just b/c i sent one email doesn't mean I have forgotten.

Being a single mum is hard but we have to remember we are not alone in this.

In our own homes yes we are.