I don't really understand what Jody means by "finding my passion". Did she mean with my wife. I think she meant find passion and sexiness in her and rebuild that part of the R. I have to get this anger out of her. I think I am making her madder with my changes, PMA and detaching. One of her biggest complents was that i was detaching/distant in our relationship.
Her attitude is definatly changing, she can not quite figure out what is going on. I need to create space so she can think, get rid of pain and make room to feel love again. This could take a really long time. Pray for me.
I think Jody is talking about finding what YOU are passionate about (besides your wife). You'd have to put that into context though. You can be flirty ans suggestive (I'd go for subtly) with your W, but that's as far as I'd take it for now. Listen to her if she talks to you.
What are yu passionate about? What have you always wanted to do? Do you know? What really melts your butter?
I personally have always wanted to take flight training lessons but I am passionate about Skiing, Golf and my kids sports and other kids activities and of course work.
BT - Here's one more guy out there who's walking this right beside you. Our situations and feelings are very similar. It helps me to know I'm not alone, I hope you get some comfort from that too.
I'm a total mess over things right now and can't seem to find the strength to post anymore, but I still read your situation.
You're a good man and you're going to be ok. Keep it up!
Me:37 WAW:35 M:10 T:15 Ds:9, 5 She Dropped Bomb:9/02/07 Both still at home
Tryingman,Keep posting It is very good for you. Takes a lot of pain away and there are great people on this board. My wife is off the wall and it is very difficult. Work on you man, you are the only thing you can control and stay close to this board. Have you talked to a coach. Jody is unreal.
All others, I scored many points today:
got to the gym and endorfins are flying; Tree 2 pts got 5 you look greats (one male): Tree 4 points No fight with wife today: Tree 2 pts Urologist just call: PSA and Testosterone look great: 50 points W is going to new MC today: Tree 2 pts. GALing before going to S12 BB game tonight: 2 pts
Your beloved Tree is having a good day. I hope all of you are too.
Tryingman, I tried to PM you but you were over your limit. It sounds like you are really hurting. If you want to talk to me live I may have some good insights for you. Send me a e-mail at thees@avaya.com and i will send you my telephone number.
Hey I have a bunch of questions. First, for Zebra:
Originally Posted By: Zebra
We all know approx. 50% of all marriages fail. 2nd marriages fail about 62% of the time, 3rd about 70%. I've read that approx 80% of all married couples are separated at sometime in their marriage for 2 months or more. (I know I've been separated by work for a month, and by emotion for months, even tho she never left). 14% of all divorced couples eventually remarry EACH OTHER!!! 2/3rds of all divorced couples would choose to stay married to each other if they could have solved the primary difficulties that led to the breakup. Many people who are divorced never seriously try to save the marriage before the divorce.
source? IS this really true or did you read this stuff in an email you got from a friend of a friend of a friend?
Second,
Originally Posted By: Tree
No kisses or hugs lately. I think the next time she trys to kiss me I may pull back for i don't like the feeling of kissing my grandmother. If she wants a real kiss that is fine but a kiss on the side of the lips or a one second peck does nothing for me. I am letting her drive that train.
If you want her to drive the train, then why would you pull back if she tries to kiss you? You don't like the peck-on-the-cheek kiss but a kiss is still a kiss. It is better than a kick in the pants, no? When you were first dating, did you expect her tongue the first time she kissed you? I'm not saying "you should let her kiss you," but I'm trying to figure out what is the balance point you are trying to achieve in the detach-versus-be-approachable thing. (being unapproachable is one of the big complaints against men, I hear) You gotta start somewhere, no? And what do you think about Grace's observation that "Love is Friendship on Fire" ?
third thing:
Originally Posted By: Tree
She said not to spend time alone yet because that is when she beats on me and to empower her. Tell her she is great at the things she does and so on. She really wants me to reduce contact with her until the anger is gone. She also said she does not like all the changes that i have made because it does not validate her actions and drive to S or D. She also said this is not a good stage for MC.
I guess the "reduce contact" means , no one-on-one time (just you and her), no suggestion of intimacy? Because the "move into friendship phase" would seem to suggest some kinda contact. or maybe Jody was saying, no physical contact ?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I don't want her to drive the train, she is driving the train. My point is if she is going to kiss me I want a real kiss. Maybe I am asking to much but a little peck is hard to accept when you really want a lot more. Baby steps I guess. Jody wanted me to detach so W would have time to release anger and maybe move to friendship stage. W take the oppertunity when ever we are alone, one on one, to unload on me. She sees this as her time to beat the heck out of me thus she wants me to reduce this time. Reduce one on one time is her suggestion, definately no suggestion or chance at any intimacy. That ain't happening now. She said she would have to drink a whole bottle of Vodka for that to happen. There would be contact in the frienship stage. I love Grace's comment.
W just stopped in after her MC meeting. Said it went good and she will see her in a week or two. I am not real optomistic here guys. I feel like I am grabbing at straws. Something has to break soon. She needs to get rid of the anger so we can move forward to frienship or just bag the whole thing.
