I left some of my bills with H name on -was fine til I had phone bill problem,they wouldn,t deal with me as H name was on bill but I had paid it for years. Similar thing with my TV license when I moved- I got it sorted eventually but wished I had done it sooner. I had no problems changing utilities or broadband etc. Something to think of. With other post that came I just re addressed it and put it back in post box-he always got it. Junk mail I just wrote not known at this address and eventually it stopped coming. I never lost any services changing over the problems arose when I needed to query things.
I have had bills in H's name but I was also on accounts as an "authorized user" so I was able to call, let's say the phone company about a matter. Even if your name is not on the bill, you could still be on an account as an authorized user (utlities, I am referring to such as phone, electric, cable) then they can give you info.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Alison, I know you want your son to make up his own mind on the breakfast thing but I think your son was wanting you to be more open with him as to how you really felt from what he replied.
I agree with naej on this one, Alison. I, for one, was always expecting this of my H, but he never got it. I don't know if it's a male thing or just him, but if I left it up to him, he would assume that meant carte blanche for him to do whatever he wanted.
I think your son needs some direction from you, particularly as he asked you more than once. He does not want to let you down, and you KNOW that you will be hurt if he spends all day w/ his dad, so why not make that clear? I see that as being fair - laying your cards on the table.
I have been struggling with this issue also b/c D11 went to see the Spice Girls w/ H's gf (no, I was not informed beforehand). Since it didn't directly affect me (his time with them), I had to appear happy that she had fun, although inside I was seething! I think it's important to let them know how you feel about things, unless you know it's really about you and not fair to them (i.e. unfair pressure).
I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope it does!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
S15 and I have talked about this again. I asked him again if he was going and he said yes. I can't remember the whole convo but I know I ended up telling him that as it is Mother's Day I would like to feel important. I don't think I can spell it out any clearer than that.
I have the opposite experience to you. I always told my H exactly how I felt (sometimes quite vehemently) and it drove him away. He just saw it as nagging and I suspect (no - I know) by S15 feels the same.
I'm trying so hard to change what was not good in my M and yet everyone else is fighting against those changes instead of embracing them.
We just had an earthquake here. Not a common experience in the North of England!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I really think your son just wants you say that you want him there. Teens are funny that way- very selfish. By saying you want him there you make him feel important rather than saying you want to feel important. Right now I think he is looking for reassurance that you want him there for him. Just my opinion for what its worth. <hugs>
I took your advice Ellie. My S15 rang me at work to find out when I would be home so I mentioned this to him them so I wouldn't forget. I'm still not sure it went it but hey at least no-one can say I didn't try.
The earthquake we had last night really scared me. It may have been relatively minor compared to what some countries get all the time BUT it made me feel so vulnerable and it just highlighted even further that my family is segrated. I know I said I wouldn't email H again but this morning I did send him a message just saying that I hoped he had come to no harm as a cnsequence of the quake. Of course he didn't reply but at least I know I showed I care.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I,m glad you took Ellies advice, but I think maybe the email is not the new beginnings . AJC he knows you care. Maybe it "aint what you do (or say) it's the way that you say it" Letting go is hard. We all know that but practise makes perfect so they say. I hope you enjoy Mothers Day whatever you do,you didn,t say what you had planned. I doubt I will see 2out of 3 of my children as we saw each other for half term but thats ok with me because I know how much I am loved by them all and I shall see them all for Easter. Your son loves you too Alison whether he chooses to spend it with his Dad or not. He,s a teen! One day he will turn back into a wonderful human being-they usualy all do-hard to see it sometimes.
but I think maybe the email is not the new beginnings
I already knew that but sometimes you have to do what you feel is right and it felt right to do that.
Quote:
Maybe it "aint what you do (or say) it's the way that you say it"
But IMO doing and saying nothing achieves nothing.
I'm having a bit of a melt down today. A couple of people at work yesterday alluded to the fact that I 'need' someone to be there for me. They were certainly right when they said children don't fill that void (and I wouldn't want them to). They are wrong in that I 'need' someone but I do miss the closeness that having your H around brings. More than anything I miss having someone to share the hard times with, someone who can just pick up the slack when I've reached the end of my tether.
It's not helping that I am so tired and that the kids are being 'ordinary' teenagers and just retreating to the bedrooms or out with their friends at every possible moment. I just feel so alone.
Its a good job there is only me here in the office right now as I'm sobbing. The phone keeps ringing and I'm trying really hard to disguise the fact that I am crying.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Sorry you are having a down day Alison, do you see a pattern to these days? maybe pinpoint a reason (I know not always possible) but it may help you to look back over your posts and see how long you stay positive for before you go down again. Are the gaps getting longer-if not how can you keep your resolve going for longer? I know you have an active social life and don't like being alone and I have said before you need quiet alone time to really be happy with the "Finally letting go". You are right our kids are no substitute for a partner but for now thats the way it is-no partner. and as my mum always said "if wishes were horses beggars would ride" Are you seeing a counsellor who could maybe help with how you feel about being alone. Talk to your kids about how tired you are they need honesty from you and make up a rota, they should be helping around the house and relieving you from some chores after all they benifit from your working. They won't like it but stand your ground set and keep rules! This will also stand them in good stead for when they fly the nest. So you are actually doing them a favour. Exhaustion is so debilatating and doesn,t help your mood swings so they will benifit from a happier you. Leave H out of the equasion. He is gone for now maybe for ever. Being a single mum is hard but we have to remember we are not alone in this. Count your blessings tomorrow is another day.
