Don't be so hard on yourself. I have not read the book you refer to, but to say you made a mess out of your marriage is a little harsh. Sure we LBS should take our part of the blame but WAS also have work to do and in general they refuse to do it. I like the fact that you are learning and trying to improve yourself for your H or any future relationship. I could definately learn from that. Don't let that book bring you down....you seem to be doing great.
Morning, Yes it is very chilly in the NE as well. The cat did not want to get out of bed this AM, so i left her all snuggled in the blanket and quilt Wanted to stay in there with her.
Listen, my suggestion, stop reading that book. I know I would feel the same way, if i saw it in writing too. I feel/know i have failed as a wife, i don't need to keep reading it.
Move on to another book, Don't be so hard on your self.
Well, keep warm and have a great day
bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
Okay, I need to say that the "For Women Only" book is really taking the wind out of my sails.
I happen to be reading the "For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women" by the same authors. Both of the books get really good reviews.
Keep your head up and turn away from the wind to fill your sails.
I'll be repetitive and tell you not to be hard on yourself. When all this started with my W I was beating the crude out of myself mentally on an hourly basis. It tore me up inside and didn't do anything for my PMA.
I talked to a coach who help me to understand what I was responsible and what I wasn't. I was able to wrap my head around the fact that a lot of it was outside of my control.
I do like your statement that you'll learn something from all of this. If you learn something from your mistakes, then they aren't mistakes, they are lessons. Nobody is perfect.
Ahhh Woog. I like that. I've learned lessons from my marriage instead of made mistakes in my marriage!! I think I'll say it a few times to myself right now.....
I am going to finish this book.. even though it's painful it's important to me to realize what parts I have control of in my dealings with men.. I will be able to use this information in even platonic relationships with males!
Next is journalling..
Note to myself. H called last night while I was giving D2 a bath so I didn't answer. He said in his voicemail message that I was likely giving D2 a bath and that he would call again. When he didn't call by the time she went to bed I called him, he didn't answer, and I had D2 leave a message saying Good night and that she loves him... I said nothing on the message.
H calls 25 minutes later.. D2 is already in bed.. he knows that but he calls anyway. I feel he wanted to speak to me. I like that feeling.. but I'm continuing to hold no expectations.
WTG, Yes I'm braving the cold here too! I am so ready for spring, it's at least nice that the days are getting longer.
Good for you for not having any expectations. I'm sorry I'm not too up on your thread, where are you in regards to the house? Have you decided to sell? Hope all is well. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Hey W2Go, Thats impressive...he rang you but you didnt pick up! Wow, I could learn from you! I was like a greyhound out of the traps in replying to my BFs emails today :-) I think it does sound positive that he phoned you anyway, despite knowing that your D is in bed already. Why would he have done otherwise ?? You didnt say if you picked that call up or not? And what is happening with the house?
I admire your strength in coping with this with such a young D too, makes me feel like a right whinge bag! I only have a cat to worry about. Also, you have inspired me to do more reading, I havent done so far. I like you have done a lot of self examination (critiscism!?) and seen the mistakes I had made in teh R and wish for anything to have another chance to put all that good learning into practice. And it is learnt lessons!
I need to look at your charts (did you email me?), but for instance, in my own sitch, I have Saturn..planet of hard lessons and truths, moving through my 7th house of 1:1 relationships! So textbook really. Hard lessons, and like you say, not just how I could;ve behaved in my R with my BF, but also, other close relationships and major friendships. I do find myself being more compassionate and patient generally and more understanding of people. So I hope these hard lessons stick! I agree with the above though, try not to beat yourself up, I know how easy it is, but as my sister said, knocking your self-esteem wont help anything !
Oh I picked up when he called after D2 went to bed.. and we chatted for 15 minutes or so..
As for the house. The realtor came and I felt wretched.. the positive about the night was finding my diamond earring. I had been wearing them since he moved out. It was a reminder to me of a better time.. he had bought them for me as a wedding gift.. well wouldn't you know it, I lost one.. I was devastated and scoured the house looking for it.. I figured when I didn't find it that I lost it shoveling snow (darn snow).. so I was overjoyed when I saw it sitting in the middle of the floor that night.. was it karma telling me something?? Who knows.. I just know that I've got my earrings and I'm relieved although too worried about losing them to actually wear them anytime soon.. Anyway, about the realtors.. they priced our house really good.. I mean we've been in our house for 4 years come June and we will have made a pretty penny if we were to sell.. but I told my H that I'm not ready. So I'm not sure when we're going to revisit the idea. I guess when he eventually has to pay rent for his apartment he might force the issue.. but until then I'm staying put.
Prior to getting really into this DBing thing I was planning on moving away.. I figured if he wants out that I needed to move closer to family and friends so that I had people to help me raise my daughter.. it's a big job on my own. But for the time being I am standing for my M and to do that I can't move an hour away.. I need to stay here, nearby my H!
Well friends, I finished that book.. thankfully. I hope I have the opportunity to use what I learned to help my marriage.. but if that happens it won't be for a long while yet.. so instead I will use what I learned to help me relate with any man.. I imagine some of it will even be useful in the corporate world! Now I need to start Living in the Light.. but maybe I'll read a couple of pages of my light hearted romance novel first.. just to relax a bit.
H just called.. spoke to him for a few minutes.. talked about our day.. made wise cracks.. Felt comfortable.. he then spoke to D2 and asked her about her day and what she was doing and told her he loved her.. she is sitting next to me totally engrossed in her movie "Everyone's Hero".. Cute movie.. so his conversation with her was VERY one sided.. oh well. At least she managed to tell him she loved him and would see him tomorrow.
