Serial EA/PA WAW/MLC

[BradNL]

PMA breaking day for me. Been feeling ill the past two days (which has completely wiped out my sleep) and today W hits me with the news that she has organised a mediator for March 10.

W then followed up with a long talk about custody and splitting of assets (car, apartment, money etc). W wants full custody, but with an alternating 3 day/4 day swap... the reason? Here in NL you aren't eligible for social housing urgency if you don't have full custody. And no social housing == rent that is around the same as our current mortgage payments. W kept on changing her story though, about how she wants to stay in the apartment with the kids and I should go share a place with a co-worker! Constant angry outbursts about how I am impossible to talk to etc whenever I didn't just agree with her.

Didn't like my suggestion that the kids stay with me week nights (I am at home pretty much every week night, she is not and won't be able to once she is working full or near full time) since it wasn't 50/50... One of her angry outbursts she did the "I should just take the kids and go back to Zimbabwe", yep, that will make me so much more happy with the idea of you having custody, that you will just run away. Constant stream of manipulative things like that throughout, even when I said that we were not talking constructively and should talk later W launched into another tirade about how she can't talk to me because I'm impossible and not logical.

I know the WAS lacks the whole reality thing, but we talked about how the car would go to her (I don't drive, its an anxiety thing) and the capital value of house would be split etc but as soon as I mentioned the custody and shared debt issues she went into attack mode. Its logical that I keep the apartment, I can afford to pay for it. I thought it was logical that the kids stay week nights with me, since W will need evenings for gym and her busy social life... Only issue there is getting them to school since I don't drive, but the school is close enough for other solutions to be worked out. It is not logical that I move out of the area, will make having the kids impossible during the week, can't get them to school without a car.

W launched into various rants about how the mediator would be making a lot of money because of my not wanting to talk (I have drawn up a basic budget already to work out how much is available for child support etc) ahead of the meeting. Also threw out the official figures that can be used for child support and alimoney, 1000 and 800 a month! No idea how the NL govt come up with those figures since I don't know anyone who could pay that and still afford to live at all. I have a theoretical 800 of disposable income, realistically 500, W's job is going to have to have to pay decently or there will be big problems. Social housing does make it easier, only around 600 a month for a row house vs the 1400 or so on our apartment in the private market (yeah, living close to Amsterdam is expensive).

I guess the true nature of the WAS comes out when they see that the future will be hard, that and her close friends who are coaching her on how to go for the throat... So not in the right mental place to be dealing with this now, even though I did a lot of the preparation ahead. Logic and reason mean nothing in this situation, cry havok and let slip the dogs of war?

Too tired.