I am also too stubborn in adhering to my convictions. W wants me to say nothing about "adult matters" to our S's. That's fine. Except she includes in that anything that relates to our family status in general, which I, however, feel is fair game for sharing with our S's. W really just wants me to say nothing at all... about anything to our S's. The problem is I just can't do that. These are momentous, life-altering events happening to this family that will affect our S's gravely for the rest of their days. I can't ignore what is happening and leave my S's to try to figure out how to cope with this, or worse, go along with W in trying to make this destruction all sound so matter-of-fact, proper and even desirable. I am not going to participate in "selling" this D to my S's.
NoCode, I've been following you thread for awhile and just wanted to chime in on this last post. Don't know if you've seen any of my threads (I've not posted nearly as much as some others on here), but we were at the point where you are now. We had been to a mediator I had even gotten to the point where I had my lawyer draw up a filing for D. We were days away from having those papers filed when things took a dramatic turn for the better. Anyhow, the point that I really wanted to bring up was discussing this with the kids. If your W doesn't want you having adult conversations with them, so be it. But they need to know and you should insist that you have this discussion together as a family. SOON! I pulled the quote below from Frank_D's first thread. I thought it was point on and I had a similar discussion with my W when things were at their worst.
Originally Posted By: Frank_D
Mom and Dad love each other, but Mom isn't in love with Dad any more and needs to move on to find her spiritual path in life. We'll be staying in this house and living together as a family but mom and dad will be separate. (C said to make sure it was clear that W was making the choices, not both of us together. This is better than the previous story where we took equal responsibility. She said that I shouldn't have to take any reponsibility except for not being able to give W the love she apparenlty needs and is seeking. W is divorcing me, Not mutually.)
Your W is having the A. Your W wants the D. She needs to take that responsibility in the discussion with the kids. I think just the thought of breaking this news to the kids can be a big reality check for the WAS.