My story, please help

[GavinO]

My wife and I have had a bad year, her more than me.

In April 2007 a business we were trying to sort out went wrong
She then had an investigation at work that could have ruined her career
She then broke her coccyx
One of her clients died in her arms and because of this another potential career flushing
Her dad has been unwell
She had a new boss who was not nice to her.

I have sufered from depression and basically have not supported my wife, have taken her for granted and not done my part in our relationship for the last 6 months to a year. I love her very much but she wants a divorce.

On 22 January 08 She said she needs space and I left for a week to give her that space, came back and she said that the idea was to shock me but it has gone downhill.

She said she wanted a divorce on 2nd Feb 2008

She made us separate (same house) and I am in the spare room, she is very extreme at the moment and has got more so over the last 5 weeks.

She did bring up relationship problems in Oct/ Nov 07 but because I was depressed I did not react well to it and went more downhill.

She says that she doesnt love me, doesnt see a future with us and doesnt want to try any more.

She has not spoken to anyone about it including her parents apart from telling them that we are divorcing. Whenever she has seen her parents she collapses into tears. She had a fight with her sister when her sister questioned her about the decision and snapped at one of our friends when she asked if it was the right decision.

She also made her mum cry when her mum tried to speak with her Her parents are really distressed at the situation and all of our friends are shocked, I am basically a good guy and love my wife very much. Everyone knows I love her dearly and until recently she loved me too.

We have done great things together and have been very successful for our ages.

She has told me never to speak with her parents or twin sister and she has told them to never speak to me.

She says that she does not regard us as married and has not worn her wedding & engagement rings since the end of January, she said she is looking for someone else and feels like f8cking a 19 year old.

She is 32 in April 08 and I am 31 in May 08.

We have been together for 9.5 years and married for just over 4 years.

She has got a very vicious tounge and can be very spiteful and I am getting both barrels at the moment.

She is absolutely set and runs away whenever I push (I have stopped pushing)

She has some younger friends at work who she seems to spend quite some time with.

She has been smoking maruana and drinking quite frequently over the last 5 weeks. She has also been out quite a few times and stayed at her work friends and her sisters houses.

Her behaviour is a bit erratic such as putting the house on the market but paying some costs either when its sold or taken off the market. Saying she will stay away for several days but comming back after one nigh.

She had a first meeting with a divorce lawyer on 6th Feb then nothing happened, then due to me looking after her when she was very, very drunk on the 14th Feb (sorted her out when she was throwing up then lay with her to make sure she was ok)she went nuts in the morning and got the lawyer to write a letter to me warning me and saying divorce proceedings have been started but I have not had any letters through.

I have changed myself and taken steps to do so(you know when you change fundamentally)I have done all of the tidying up in the house.

I am working on myself and these forums have been helpful.

I love my wife dearly and really want to save our marriage but don't know what to do when she is so adamant and nasty. She refuses everything at the moment.

We do actually make a great couple

I have recently discovered DBing and will do it in earnest.

Our marriage and relationship is well worth saving and I love her lots, What can I do?!?

Any help or guidance or advice appreciated.

I understand and feel the pain of you others out there, it is terrible.

Thanks all

Gavin