I am so confused, not sure what hand I am playing

[GoingForward]

I did get an email from a friend in another office of my work today saying that I was right about the rumor mill(y I want no one to know) she heard today that I must be sick because I am getting so thin.

What a way to lose weight, huh?!!

"I see so many positives in your sitch. Your H seems to be giving quite a bit of effort towards repairing the R." It is because of this that I am afraid to have the boundaries discussion which is going to seem controlling (see #1 complaint) It is hard to set the boundaries when i am not sure that there are any being broken.

If you're not sure, then I think it's safe to say that no boundaries are being crossed. If they were, I don't believe we would be seeing these positive steps coming from your H.

But again, I don't know what your limits are so it is hard to say.

Perhaps the best thing to do...for now...is to do nothing at all. If things are going fairly well as they appear to be, then why rock the boat?

However, when the time does come to talk with your H about your boundaries, you will want to do it calmly and with confidence. You want to be sure to explain to H that you have no intentions of controlling him; he is a grown man who can make decisions for himself. Your boundaries are not ultimatums; they are merely your own personal limits. There are things you will and will not tolerate in your M as well as your life, and H has to understand this.

Having this type of discussion with your H will most certainly be one of the toughest, and perhaps scariest, things to do, but once it happens, you MUST stick with your boundaries, Neecy. If you don't, then they mean nothing to anyone.

Yes the boudary was blown out of the water by texting from our vacation, but has it happened since? Who knows?

Right. Who knows?

Time for thought-stopping. Work on your PMA and towards your goals. Focus on you.

I do know he should delete her as a friend on facebook, which he hasn't but he says she doesn't even have a computer now that she moved out. Doesn't want to be the bad guy.

Personally, I agree. I feel that he should delete OW from his list of friends. It would help to "erase a link", delete further possible contact, and it would definitely help you with feeling more secure once the perceived threat is gone. Reassurance.

This might be something you'd like to bring up in MC. Explain how it makes you feel when seeing OW's name on facebook. It's a constant reminder of something you wish to eventually forget (for the most part). When discussing this, don't become angry or lash out with something like, "Why can't you just erase her name?! Do you hope to still talk with her?!" NO. Again, explain how it makes you feel. Express something like, "When I see (OW)'s name on facebook, I feel very insecure, scared, afraid. If her name was deleted, it would help to reassure me. I would feel safer."

Hope this helps, and I hope D4 soon feels better!