save a spot, will be here at some point

[cat03]

well, my story is too long and awful, began on this board when H left, migrated to piecing, was in infidelity too, i'm lurking in MLC now though it's pretty much decided H and I are separating for good.

This is obviously not what I want, we both don't want to go to court & spend thousands in a battle, we agreed to a mediator. We dont' have money and are lucky our cc bills will be taken care of by the tax refund. A friend told me he should to pay for mediation/fees. I dont' want to drag this, but I dont' want to pay for med if I dont' have to. H suggested today in blood bath C (last one) that we should put it on the credit card, heck no! we'll actually have all cc down to 0 and now he wants to put stuff on it?

Anyways, any ideas welcome, oh, he won't fight me for the house, we'll sell it when kids graduate (youngest one is 5). Is willing to give me more $$ if I need it.

[Lissie]

Welcome.

Sorry you are here? I never know if that is the right thing to say.

I am on the east coast, but I have no idea about mediation.

We had seperate L's. I took the money out of my saving and paid for it. UGH.

If I didn't have a savings, I would of taken it of my 401k.

I wanted to have my own attorney, not use 1, or 1 mediator.

I was scared he was gonna go nutzo, being in his weird state.

But the fact of the matter is, that when the D started rolling, he became nice.

And gave me everything I needed, including the house. He just signed it over.

I know you have had a long hard run.

One day at a time girlie.

And a white wine please.

[cat03]

Thanks Lizzie! love your signature btw.

I'm also in the east coast. I'm getting a bit ware now, when he was with ow and lying to her they had a plan to take the home and kids from me (of course it was all based on lies he told her, about me being an unfit deranged mom and all)
He is so dumb, he's already sent me 3txts by mistake, he told me ow wanted nothing to do with him after the crap hit the fan and she figured there'd be no D & he was with me the whole time she thought he was S. But the txts sound like he's txting her, which is making me sick, until I can help it, I dont' want psycho ow near my kids.

SIGH******* I must not fear and trust God, I know all things will work out for the best to those who love him. Just hate the thought of ow again filling his head w/ideas to screw me. After C he did say we should talk and still wants to work things out the best way.

I'll take sparkling wine, lol, too chicken for the real stuff!

[sofaraway]

Cat, I was telling Lissie tonight that you were the very first person who posted to me. It inspired to me to stand and fight for my own life and marriage. It was amazing to me that you would go out of your way to post to me. I understand better now why you did what you did, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

I am sorry that your sitch has taken this turn. I followed along for quite sometime in piecing. I will say this to you though, you know exactly what you need to do. You have advised your fair share of people around here on how to handle this exact same sitch. Search your heart, you have all the answers.......

In the meantime, know that we are all here for you and will help anyway that we can.


Ian

[FA]

Hey Ian!!!! What's up man!!

[Kman]

Hi Cat-

Welcome, and sorry you're here (I know what you mean Lis )

Not much to add at this early stage, other than possibly to make a list of "must-haves" and "negotiable" items to go to the mediator with. To me, the one who wants or is driving the D should pay for the mediator, although I understand it doesn't always work out that way and also may be something that isn't a big deal to some.

But Ian is right, there are lots of folks here who will help you with this stage of your journey, with advice or simply support - and although I haven't seen you around before since you were in other forums, I know that anyone that makes a good impression on Ian has got to be good peeps.

It gets so much better - see ya around....

Kev

[cat03]

thanks for the welcome everyone)))) we must do the best with what we got.

Hey Ian, I remember you toots have seen you around though for the life of me don't remember how your stich is going (will snoop now, he he) Many people in this board have been a blessing to me and I'm glad that I was some help to you, I know that God will turn an ugly sitch and make it work for those who love him.

So here I am, I looked into it a bit more and decided to pay half, not putting it on my ccard of course, H agreed (hmm, need a new acronim, donkey is taken by MrsH in MLC :P )Alien!! there you go. Anyways, he was glad I agreed on that. Of course I got about 350$ dollar credit already, 600 he gave ow for her rent (told me it was for car repair) and 120 for a laptop he later return and squandered the $.

SInce he ripped my heart and tore it to shreds this am (if you got nothing, I repeat, nothing to do u can check out the blood bath at my goodbye post in piecing) I don't hurt as much. Something broke (my db bone?) when he yelled how he never wanted to get married and knew it was a mistake. I do get teary eyed talking about S, but it's no longer about feelings for him, I think most of them if not all are gone.

I'll shut up now :P, reading "the almost painless D" about mediation and other stuff dealing with D.

[ms ladybug]

Cat03, I'm following you!

I'll probably be here soon too...

[fig]

Cat...so sorry you are here but this group of people is great.

we all have our limits

they are good to have

nothing wrong with finding yours

[unbroken]

Hi Cat,

he yelled how he never wanted to get married and knew it was a mistake.

Please don't let this one get to you. I think we have all heard it, or at least most of us. As my C always reminds me, they must devalue you in order to justify their fantasy.

When XH told me he wanted D, I had no money either so instead of waiting for him to file and paying thousands in L bills by getting my own L, we agreed that I would file (because I live in an area that had cheaper L and court fees) and he would just sign the papers. Therefore, he never had true representation and we just split all of the fees. Some people don't agree with it because I actually filed when I didn't want to, but I felt I did not have a choice with the way my money sitch was. He agreed to pay me more than he would have to in child support if we stayed in the house for D11's sake. I felt if I didn't get this in writing somehwere, somehow he would eventually back down from it...and the bottom line is that the best sitch for D11 is to stay in this house, a stable environment with her friends, family and school close by.

You have to do what is the best for you and your sitch.