Thanks for the support! It was the right thing to do when I sent the email to my W. to acknowledge and clarify the part I thought I had blown. She emailed me back later with a (relatively for her) longer email where she appreciated and said she really understood my feelings about the vacation. She also apologized for her brief emails (which I had raised in MC) and, while not saying she would necessarily change this, she did say that it was not intending to communicate impersonally at all.
She also shared that she had felt teary for most of the day after the session and that she "really appreciated" my "lovely" email message and that she found it to be really caring. Her words seemed quite heartfelt. It was new for her to share that she was "teary". She mentioned something obscure about "having more insight about our dynamics" as a result of the session. I don't know if that's good or bad...I think it's ultimately about her feeling more freed up to say what she wants/needs. I don't know what she was referring to...could be good or bad news.
Anyway, I feel good about the contact, but I find I don't really rocket into very positive places because I keep hearing old lines from before playing into my head ("...but none of this [positive] changes anything.)...etc etc.
Okay, well, a couple of humble GAL steps to report: 1. photo group having a social / pub night next week I think. Never been to this group before, but I'm going to give it a try. 2. getting together with a friend to have lunch/walk in a week and a half. 3. Thinking of going on a mini-hike on Sunday. That's a 180 for me!! I kind of hate that it's solo, but I've got to try and do something for myself.
I also want to say how much I've been really aching for physical contact--not necessarily sex (although, um...that would be okay!) but just hugs. Lots and lots of hugs!!!! I haven't had a hug in over 2 months and I really feel I need them constantly. I've been feeling better today, but still on the verge of tears several times. Sometimes I sleep at with a hot water bottle at night! Warm, but somehow just not quite as enjoyable as spooning my W. Gosh, how I miss her very, very much. This makes me MENTAL!
